This is Hard

My ex partner, spouse has just had a massive stroke.  She is now in the hospital in intensive care following surgery to remove the massive blood clot.  My sons are totally demolished and I am paralyzed.  I know I said ex, but after so many years there are still feelings and we shared so much.  She is receiving the finest medical care, but there has been damage to her brain, how much is still unclear.  This is a hard season for many, me included, and this just makes it harder. 

I feel helpless and so do my sons.   This is the time to turn to prayer.  Please pray for S_____.
Thank you.

Love,
Shel

Another Year, another Post!

I know it is kind of ridiculous to post on an average of one post a year, yet here it is!  There hasn't been  a lack of  things to write about and I have the time.  I just haven't had the inclination.  I don't know how else to explain it.  In New England this winter the weather has been severe.  The month of February saw all four weeks with snow storms (one week with three storms.)  Temperatures were often below zero.  Recently there has been a welcomed break.  Temperatures have been in the upper 30's and 40's and the deep layer of snow is melting.  Lent started very early this year so we are now at the 4th Sunday in Lent.  Palm Sunday is in two weeks! 

I am continuing with my part-time Church work.  I am going on my third year at this Parish.  I find it very rewarding.  There has been a lot of illness in the older people of the Parish and this has increased the pastoral load.  The only real problem is that I am growing older, I turned 70 this year.  Where did the time go?  My age wouldn't be a problem if I had no physical problems, but I have developed quite serious arthritis in my spine.  It has changed how I walk and how I do several other things and I have occasions of sustained intense pain.  I guess it is my cross to bear.

I have been pondering how I might best use this blog.  Certainly one post a year is not a good use of it.  I have done various things with blog over the years.  I  will work it out before long.

In the mean time keep well.

Love,
Shel

Wow

It's been a year almost since my last post!  I am not sure why I have been so negligent.  I have been very busy with Church work and family things.  I know its not much of an excuse.  I will try harder.
I will return!

Love,
Shel

Lament over computers

I started this week with two of my three desktop computers sorely needing attention.  One needs to have the dust removed, I am sure.  It keeps overheating and shutting down.  I have used it for some time as a server and is the oldest of the systems.  The other system stopped functioning shortly after I installed Windows 8 on it.  It's non-functioning may just be coincidence, but i am not really sure at this moment.  I have dragged my feet on fixing these systems because I had a fully functioning Laptop, which I use along with my ipad (yes, I have an Apple device!)

My Laptop was fully functional until just recently when it began to slow down drastically.  This is alarming since it is a Quad Core AMD and usually functions well.  I noticed several things:  no-matter what I changed or disabled nothing much changed in performance and disk utilization was almost always at 100%.  This also has Windows 8 on it.  I installed it so I would know all the ups and downs of the system.  One thing I have learned -  I really hate Windows 8.  Several months ago I upgraded the hard drive on the system, because the 500 G that came with it was getting crowded.   Well this week the new drive would no longer boot the system.  It kept going into a drive check and staying at 27% completed - no further.  I eventually replaced the new drive with the old one, but now I have a system with old data.  I put the removed drive in a case and attached it with USB and ran tests on  it.  It tests perfect!  WTF!  Well at least I can copy data off it.

Long story short, I now have a NEW laptop with core i7 processor, 8 G of RAM and 2G of graphics memory.  The only downside to it is that it came with Windows 8.  Microsoft is now testing Windows 8.1 and it is supposed to correct some of the problems and be available in a few months.  It is available as a testing system now, but there are sure to be changes before the final release.  I am really not up for Beta testing right now.   I just need to get my software on my new system and get back to business.

What am I using now? I am doing this on my old, old laptop at the Church Office.

Peace, prosperity and working technology,
Love, Shel

Memorial Day 2013

This Memorial Day is kind of laid back.  I am called to remember those in my life who have moved on.  I think most of my father who died a year and a half ago.  The grave marker is of his grave in Arlington National Cemetery and was taken near Christmas, hence the wreaths.  My father was in the Military for 26 years and served in both WWII and Korea.  Military life colors my early childhood. 

All my father's sisters and brother predeceased him as did my mother.  He died at the age of 100 and I clearly miss him.

Strangely, I have also been remembering people who have been in my life and gone, but are still alive.  I am not sure why that is, but I miss them.  I don't dwell on missing them but occasionally I do think of them.

Have a great Memorial Day weekend and a great Summer.

Love,
Shel

Identity

I need to renew my Connecticut Driver's License.  The last time I did this all I needed to do was bring my current license and the fee.  I then had my picture taken and Voila!  I had a new Drivers License!  Now I need to bring my state verified birth certificate, current drivers license, social security card, and two computer generated bills with my current address.  What has happened?  Is my identity really in doubt?

Oh well, I have all that stuff so I am good to go, but it seems like a lot of foolishness to me.  Just a thought.  What will I need next time I renew?  Proof of DNA?  Life is very interesting.  I just have to think of what people who don't have all the documentation in hand must go through.

Love,

Shel (or am I someone else?)

Sandy Hook

My heart breaks at the scope of the tragedy experienced by the families of Sandy Hook Elementary School.  I cannot imagine the depth of grief of those whose lost loved ones, children and school staff, to senseless violence.  I can only pray for them in my helplessness.  "God be with them and give the solace and Peace."

I have done supply service at a church in the Sandy Hook area.  These are fine people and in no way deserving of this tragedy, though I cannot conceive how kindergarten children anywhere would deserve the violence of Friday morning.  I can only hope that the families can find God's healing grace in their lives. 

This was senseless violence and senseless loss and I cannot imagine what might lead a person to do what that young man did.  I only know that the technology for that violence was all too readily available and that is a failing of our society.  Guns don't kill, but a person with a gun can kill all too easily.  We as a society and a Nation need to do something.  The violence in our country is deadly and insane. 

I need to go back to writing my Sermon.  Hopefully i will make some sense.

Love,
Shel

Politics and the land of crazy

I don't usually write a lot about politics, but it seems to me that politics has taken a decidedly crazy turn.  Several things lead me to this conclusion.  In what world is there a war on Christmas?  Just look around you and tell me the season.  There is NO war on Christmas in the USA!  Can any politician be seriously considering taxing feminine hygiene products?  I guess one might consider this if one were planning political suicide.   The next crazy words from a politician are that vaccines are causing people to be Gay.  Since virtually everyone in the USA is routinely vaccinated then there should be an epidemic of Gayness.  As far as I know the percentage of gay people has remained stable.

Now that is off my chest I can go back to other things in my life.  It does make me wonder though, how on earth did these people get elected?  Oh well!  Some things in life are ment to be mysteries.

More Windows 8

I am still on the Windows 8 kick.  I have been using it now for a while so I have more experience.  One thing I want to make clear, is that it works!  It is not fatally broken.  I am still having some problems, but they may just be my issues.  First, my desktop is still broken.  it may be a coincidence but my desktop will not fully boot after installing Windows 8.  I still have not fully diagnosed the situation since I have had more pressing issues.  I will let you know wen I know more and fi the problem.

My laptop has been running fine with Windows 8 with some provisions.  I still have some issues with Windows Update, namely 5 updates that consistently fail.  I have tried all the recommended remedies and they all fail.  I am hoping that there will be some new fix for the issue.  I want to avoid the drastic move of cleaning everything off and starting fresh.

I have added a free program to the mix called "Classic Start Menu."  it has made Windows 8 run more like I want, just like Windows 7.  I need to say now that Windows 8 looks like it is a great fit for the new generation of touch screen laptops and tablet like devices.  Tablets under Android and IOS have become very important additions to personal and business computing.  We will just have to see if Windows 8 brings Microsoft into a major position in  this market.  I still do not see the advantages to the user interface if you are using a more traditional desktop, laptop or netbook.  The interface is so different that there will be a big learning curve.  This probably won't be a problem for the younger and more adventurous, but will for the more established users; those who are comfortable with Windows XP and Windows 7.

One overall thing I have noticed Windows 8 seems to be very disk intensive.  It reads and writes to disk a lot more than Windows 7.  This causes congestion and subsequent hanging.  Interestingly, task manager shows this much clearer in Windows 8.  Again I think that the problem is that Windows 8 has been optimized for devices that are using primarily solid state disk storage.  This is just a guess.

On a personal note,  I am finding it a bit difficult to deal with the Holidays this year.  This is the first year without my father around and I am noticing his absence. This is just a part of life and I am dealing with it but it has added a somberness to the season for me.  Speaking of the season, it is Advent.  I know our society insists on making this time an orgy of shopping and parties, but in the Church we celebrate a season of expectation and preparation in Advent.  Last Sunday we remembered the prophecies of the coming of God's Kingdom and the coming into this world of the hope for Peace and Salvation.  Blessings to one and all!

Love,
Shel

The Windows 8 adventure

I have been experiencing Windows 8 Professional.  Sigh!!!  Microsoft seems to get it right every other operating system. Windows 7 is great!  I only switched to practice working with it.  I will eventually have someone call me with a Windows 8 problem.  New computers will come with Windows 8 and people will be stuck with it.  Yes, I said stuck with it!  I installed Windows 8 Pro on my desktop first.  It now isn't working.  I haven't fully trouble shot it so I don't know what to blame yet.  I'll let you know though. I then put it on my Laptop.  That is what I am using now and it works.  It did not kill my Laptop.  I must say there are still some driver issues which may be Toshiba's problem. 

The major issue I see with Windows 8 is that Microsoft drastically changed the user interface, without asking it's user base.  Much of my time with the operating system has been spent trying to find easy ways to use it.  The interface was clearly made for a tablet and would be reasonable for a tablet device.  I have two tablets, one running Android and an Apple Ipad 3.  They are distinctly different from a Laptop or Desktop.  The needs are different and the access methods are different.  I could have seen it if Microsoft had made it easy to use the Start Screen (formerly Metro) or the Desktop, but they have gone to great lengths to MAKE you use the START menu.  There are few options (some third party solutions exist and there is a way to use the scheduler to run the desktop) to avoid the use of the START screen.

If you haven't heard or figured it out the start screen is NOT the start Menu! They are quite different ways to achieve similar results.  If you have been a Windows user for a long time you will scream in horror with the new system.  My figuring is that Microsoft was looking for a way to solve a problem that doesn't exist.  They saw the increasing tablet use and panicked.  Apple has been much more sane about the whole business and maintained the integrity of their OS X versions on Laptops and Desktops and used IOS versions for the mobile devices (iPhones, iPods, and iPads.)  In fact, Microsoft has a special Windows 8 for their Tablet devices and for their Phones.  I wish they had taken more of a lead for Apple here.

I am working at Learning and adjusting.  I have tried to work with "out of the box" Windows 8 Pro but admit I have gone to some third party solutions.  My favorite so far is Classic Shell.  It is free and it works.  I'll let you know more later.

Until then,
Love Shel

oops!

Apparently Mitt Romney has found a new Country.

Frustration!

Politics!  The state of today's politics leaves me just frustrated.  I want to think everything will work out no matter who wins, but I really don't believe it.  I grew up in a Republican family,  but I truly am far far from the current republicans.   Against a long-standing policy of mine I will be making political commentary from time to time.  This election is so important! 

Love,
Shel

Oh, So,So, Much!

So much has happened!  First and last in importance, our internet connection sucked for months.  Starting in December our internet suffered the slows.  AT&T was called numerous times to check as it turns out everything.  There must have been six visits.  They replaced portions of the inside wiring.  The changed the wireless router/modem.  They changed TV boxes.  Some things were fixed, but the wireless continued to SUCK!
I just added a Wireless N access point and Magic things work.  Apparently their wireless router is less than....
Oh face it it is a piece of Cr*P.

There have been physical problems.  I am hope tonight and not at the Gay and Lesbian Film festival because I don't feel very well.  The biggest problem came several weeks ago.  I had an "Happening."  I thought the happening might have been a heart problem.  I even called 911 and the paramedics came.  By the time they came I was feeling much better (it didn't take long for them to arrive, either.) I have had every cardiac test short of surgical procedures.  I am apparently just fine.  I apparently had a form of heat exhaustion and dehydration. I may also be having a virus.  So I drink a lot in the heat now and I just live through the virus symptoms.  I'll take that over heart problems any day. 

Mentioning the Hartford Gay and Lesbian Film Festival, I would have been working at it if I hadn't been taking tests for the "happening."  I have missed so much this year with my father's health problems and death and now this!  I wouldn't have done things differently, but it has been quite a year.

Have a great night,
Love,  Shel

Cleaning up

It seems that I am destined to spend a great deal of time pulling the threads of my father's life and death together.  This week I moved as much of his things out of his apartment as I could find storage for.  Now our closed-in porch is storage.  I still have a great deal of work to do.  Some items need to be sold just to recover the cost of the move.  It costs an amazing amount to move his things 90 miles.  Imagine a far greater move.  How do people afford such moves? 

In any event I am still dealing with his life and not my own.  My life keeps pulling at my sleeves.  People I have worked with keep asking and I have to say "I don't know."  This is all much harder than I could have ever imagined.  The physical problems are hard, but the emotional ones are hard also.  Just before the move I stayed one last night in his apartment.  All I can say is that the ghosts of my family haunted my sleep.  My Grandfather, my Mother and now my Father all died in that house.  I grew up in that house.  A whole chapter of my family's life has come to an end. 

Thursday I make one last journey there to finish cleaning and picking up remnants.  I will leave the keys and it will be finished.  I will feel relieved but sad.

Love,
Shel

Resuming Life

I have been so involved with my father's health and welfare and eventually death that my own life has been shelved.  I now need to re enter my life.  I am not really sure where to begin, but until my father's estate is settled I have a lot still to do.  I have been sorting through his stuff and it is a difficult job.  There have been some surprises, some nice memories and some sad memories and above all some hard decisions.  What do I keep and what do I get rid of?  It is a night mare and I am the only one who can do this.  I am an only child.

The weather is crappy after a nice spell and I have gone home for a bit before going back to packing and sorting my father's things.  I think I'll be back to the task on Tuesday.

Be well.
Love,
Shel

One Month

Today it has been one month since my father died.  Monday my eldest son and I laid him to rest in Arlington National Cemetery.  He was in the Air Force for 26 years and a veteran of WWII and Korea. I am now bogged down in all his possessions and how to deal with them.  It is an amazingly painful and difficult task.  I am finding as many of my mother's things as anything and so many memories are coming back.  I guess this is what people go through, but usually there are brothers and sisters to share the tasks.  I am an only child so I have the task alone. 

People's lives don't equate to their possessions, but certainly my father's things have brought back much of his life to me.  We all come to the end of our lives at some time.  My father lived to be 100 and he was healthy most of that time and had his wits until the very end.  He was truly blessed as I have been to have him as a father.

God's Peace to you all,
Shel

A sad goodbye

So much has happened since the last Blog post!  The picture is of my father who just lost his battle to stay alive.  It was a long hard battle and he was such a great man!  I miss him.

In November he got a serious urinary tract infection which required intravenous antibiotic treatment in the Hospital.  He came home for one day and had to return with another infection called C. Difficile.  It is a very serious infection that robbed him of all his strength.  He was in a nursing home to recover until last week when I brought him home.  It was clear that he was loosing his battle and he wanted to be home.  Once home he declined rapidly and died peacefully yesterday. 

He was a man of great faith and strength.  He loved me and I loved him.  Sadness fills my heart now and the pain is indescribable.  I love you Pappy!

A Long Long Month

It;s been more than a month since I Blogged.  It's been a very hard time.  My father ended up in the hospital once again.  This time it was very serious and I spent a couple of very bad days worrying.  Thankfully things have worked out much better.  My father recovered, the doctors came through and the nurses were great!  After the hospital there was a two week stay in a nursing facility and my father is home and stronger and much improved.  Who could figure?  Things are much better.

This is the short version of the story.  Also I have been to my vascular surgeon and he is very pleased.  I have a CAT scan scheduled as a routine follow-up later this week.  The only thing about a CAT scan is the fact that I am allergic to the Contrast Dye they use.  I have to pre-medicate because of this and that causes some anxiety.
I have been through this all too often and I has become routine.

I miss my old life.  I was just beginning to feel useful and the things I was doing were fulfilling.  Caring for my father is fulfilling and useful, but it is quite different.  I am more of a house keeper/nurse right now.  I do laundry, cook the food, dispense medicine and even give shots.  This is a very new role for me.  I am adjusting.

Love,
Shel

Two weeks

It has been a tough two weeks.  My father was in the hospital for a week for an infection and a reaction to an antibiotic.  He came home for a day and I had to send him back because he was so dehydrated and depleted he could only nod his head to questions.  He came home yesterday and already things are much better.  Though he could drink more he is doing better and he had a pretty good day eating.  He doesn't do much, but rest is important.  He likes the baseball games and there were a lot on today.

There is a lot for me to do for him, so I have been and will be very busy.  He is not out of the woods yet because there is still an infection in his urinary tract.  They think they know what it is, but the organism takes a long course of treatment so they want to be positive.  We will hear about that in 4 to 6 weeks. In the mean time hopefully my father will get stronger all the time.

I am trying to get established here in Rhode Island.  I slowly move what I need here.  Do I have a life?  I have put all normal things on hold.  There is much more to this story, but some is about Doctors (good and bad) and a day of shooting photos and I may do some of that another time.

I hope your day was a good one and that tomorrow will be better.

Peace and Love,
Shel

Tea and Crumpets (Jonah's Lament)

I don't often comment on politics in this blog, but what is going on with this so-called "Tea Party?" I ask this because many of them profess to be Christian. The following headline caught my attention "Audience at tea party debate cheers leaving uninsured to die."  Apparently, my understanding of Christian is quite different from theirs. It is so clear that these people have no understanding of Jesus at all!   To read more about this follow this link.   I'd like to quote Cher "If you're black in this country, if you're a woman in this country, if you are any minority in this country at all, what could possibly possess you to vote Republican?" I might extend this by saying, if you care at all about others why would you vote Tea Party Republican?

I really hate being so negative, not so much that I am negative, but the topic is negative. "When God saw what the people of Nineveh did, how they turned from their evil ways, God changed his mind about the calamity that he had said he would bring upon them; and he did not do it. " (Jonah 3:10)  How will God judge our society?

Love,
Shel