"Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one." Albert Einstein
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
All Kinds of Stuff
Therapy is getting quite exhausting. In the group we are going through very intense sessions and I am drained. I also had a session with my individual therapist last Wednesday. What did people do before psychotherapy? When did we start needing to pay people to listen to us?
I have been installing Windows 7 on my new Netbook. It works like a charm! In fact, I am composing this from the newly configured Netbook (which is an Asus eee PC 1000 HE.) I am impressed that the Beta of Windows 7 works so well. To be honest, though Windows 7 is very much like Vista. I am sure that Microsoft is trying to avoid the association, but it is true. Actually, I find Vista after service pack 1 quite easy to use. There are anoyances, but there were annoyances with XP. I am now spoiled by the better graphics in Vista and Windows 7!
I went out to a dinner Saturday and needed to dress up a bit. I thought I might wear some sort of pants outfit and did a day of shopping. Though there were many sales and i bought something, I wasn't real happy with what I bought. I covered the large nearby mall. Even Macy's didn't have much. Now my size has changed drastically and I don't shop the Plus Sizes any more, but I am still not in the smaller sizes. There were nice things in size 10 and below, but I am not quite there yet. In desperation I made a quick trip to a Kohl's where I found this darling black cocktail dress. It was so nice I just had to buy it! I am truly seldom in a dress of any sort, but I wore this gladly. I am sorry, but I don;t have any pictures. I honestly didn't think of it.
I am back to reading Theoretical Physics again, black holes, quanta, strings and all. I don't know what fascinates me about this stuff. It has no practical application to my life I am sure. I am reading Stephen Hawking again.
I need to eat!! It is almost 12:30 and I haven't eaten yet. I am going to leave this and get myself a ridiculously small piece of quiche Lorraine which will totally fill me up. Have a nice day!
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Quite a week
I had a CAT scan today. These would not be a big deal except for the fact that I am allergic to the dye they use. For that reason I have to be pre medicated for the test. This means that I have to take a pill in the absolute middle of the night (when I should be asleep.) I also had to wake up at 6 AM just to take my normal meds and have two oz of breakfast. The rest of the morning was taking pills and contrast solution at odd intervals. I was wondering why I felt so tired so now I think I know.
My Father is back from his wintering in the South of Georgia. He says he weathered the whole thing well. I'll probably visit him next week, if there is any time for it. Sid I mention that my car was fixed? I once again have heat and an intact panel and all my windows. I still have to have the radio installed, but I have everything for that. It is so nice to have heat in the car once again!
Enough for tonight. I am really tired.
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
I was driving on Interstate 84 today and I am totally amazed! I was driving about 20 miles over the speed limit and I was apparently going slow. Cars were passing me on the right and on the left and I wasn't passing anyone. When did such levels of speeding become so routine? Where were the State Police? They should have been stopping everyone on that highway, including me! I drove slower riding home. Seventy and above is just too fast. I am not old and poky, I just want to survive the journey.
When driving at reasonable speeds I often use the time to think. Even if I had a radio (remember it was stolen a week ago) I wouldn't turn it on. The only disturbance is the occasional comment from the GPS (I replaced it.) I started to lament the loss of a friend and I fear I was on the verge of tears. I have a number of friends, but few I would call really close and trusted. I thought she was close and trusted and we talked frequently; alas, no more. She isn't returning my calls and not calling me on her own. I really don't know why either. I thought things were better between us, I guess not. I can't think of what I might of done.
I have done some shopping to replace the stolen items. I now have a new GPS Garmin Nuvi 760, a new cd/FM radio (still not installed, and a chest of tools (most of which I am sure I will never use.) I also got some new computer equipment (not involved in the theft) that will be useful. I now have three computers. One (the one I am using now) with Vista Ultimate, one with Windows XP Professional, and one with Windows XP Home. The one with XP Home on it now I am considering putting Linux Ubuntu on. I want to get back into Linux. I have also thinking about putting Windows Server 2008 on the system with XP Professional. I need to ponder this a bit and do some experimenting.
I have been helping my youngest son with a computer project. It is nice to be able to work with him on something. Our relationship has been so difficult over the past few years.
I am on fluids today. I went to the Doctor who did the Lap-Band surgery and he did a fill. The fill just narrows the opening between the upper pouch of my stomach (made by the Lap=Band) and the lower stomach. This should help me restrict my food intake. My weight loss had slowed down and I want to loose at least another 50 lbs (yes, that much!) Even though I am a lot thinner, I was very overweight before. If I didn't have occasional back pain, I think I would feel great (and look great too.)
Today was a pretty good day as day's go. My visit to the Doctor was good; by the way, he is a charming man. If I were interested in men, he would be the sort I would like. I also went to T'ai Chi; it gives me such a feeling of calm and being centered. I hope you had a great day!
Monday, March 09, 2009
Some Random Thoughts
Sometime a person can be their own worst enemy and engage in very self-defeating behavior. I know this from all too personal experience. I think of all the time I wasted in futile attempts to not really live my life and I cringe. The problem is that I can see this behavior in others, but no one listens. I guess we are all destined to make all of our own mistakes. I certainly made plenty of them, but I clearly didn't have all the facts at my disposal earlier in my life. I think that I took the hard path, but In fact I took what was likely the only path at the time. Things are different today, I think, considerably different.
Life is up and down with my children, especially with my youngest son. He has always seemed to want to chart his own path, rocky as it might be. For the past two month he has hardly spoke to me, mostly a grunted "Hi." Suddenly he wants me to help him with a computer project and is all chatty. I am tickled pink, but it's so strange.
I am back to doing T'ai Chi. My back is in reasonable, though not perfect, shape. I feel so much better after doing just a little of the T'ai Chi and Chigong exercises.
The weather has been great the past two days! It has been warm and mostly sunny. I don't even mind the strange new time-change date. By the way I got a full night's sleep last night. Aside from the T'ai Chi and a bit of grocery shopping I haven't been doing too much outside of the house. I have been on the computer a lot; make that too much. I have been doing a little too much browsing and not enough writing.
This is running on so I will conclude. I am looking for more warm weather and hopefully some new spring experiences, and friends. This looks to be a busier week. Have a good evening.
Saturday, March 07, 2009
Blog Posts never Written
Some of the things I have been pondering recently have been my future, what I will be doing and where I will do it. I think I mentioned a while back that some interesting possibilities have opened up recently. I have also been considering my relationships. Some of that has to do with the group therapy I have been doing and also the individual therapy sessions. I am beginning to understand a bit about my own needs. I also am becoming convinced that the best friend is one who really wants to be a friend. I am guessing that not all my friends have really wanted to be friends. I am getting over things I guess.
I have been extraordinarily busy at times with as many as three overlapping activities at time. I wish that all these different things could be spread out a bit. If only life could be organized, what a thought!
I have been dealing with the damage to my car. It won't be fixed until next week and then I will need to shop for a new radio /cd player. The car originally came with a cassette player. Who uses cassettes anymore? I don't even have any. The who;e thing is quite disturbing.
Wish me a good night's sleep!
Sunday, March 01, 2009
A LETTER TO OUR PRESIDENT
By Harvey Fierstein
Read at the DEFYING INEQUALITY benefit on Monday, February 23, 2009.
Dear President Obama.
While fighting for the abolition of slavery, one politician qualified
his stance, "I have never been in favor of making voters or jurors of
Negroes, nor of qualifying them to hold office, nor to intermarry with
white people."That politician was Abraham Lincoln.
Obviously time and experience brought Mr Lincoln to what would have been
called the extremist view; that freedom cannot be compromised just to
appease the majority.
And so he made a grander gesture reminding us of "...a new nation
conceived in liberty and dedicated to the proposition that all men are
created equal". Passing a law would change the course of slavery, but
those words changed the course of the history.
Mr Obama, I have heard you speak eloquently in favor of inclusion for
gays and lesbians. But then you sternly state your opposition to
marriage rights. It leaves me wondering if you are straining to be
politic or, if like Lincoln, your views still need maturing.
Days after your historic election an aide of yours told me that you plan
to do away with the military's DON'T ASK, DON'T TELL. I applaud the
gesture. But don't kid yourself. Redefining that policy will do little
to end discrimination against us.
With or without the Pentagon's permission gays and lesbians have been
serving in the military since the birth of this nation.
We may have served in silence.
We may have fought in secret.
But a complete ban of gays did not stop us from fighting and dying for
Abolishing DON'T ASK, DON'T TELL won't bring us into the military or end
discrimination against us.
Legalizing gay adoption won't end discrimination against our children in
Even legalizing gay marriage won't bring about the whole cloth change
our nation needs.
When you, leader of the free world, accept, tolerate and even invite
bigots into your fold changing a policy is not enough.
In any case, we don't need you to fight our small battles for us.
We will eventually win these on our own. Property matters, adoption
rights, and even gay marriage will be won in courts of law as they are
now being won in courts of public opinion.
Given time, our constitution, and the American values of fair play and
justice, will prevail. We will win equal rights.
But what only you can give us is the grand gesture.
Mr President, we need you to be more than another reasonable voice.
We need you to raise yourself up out of the mire of majority opinion.
We need you to rise above the daily politics of compromise.
We need you to mount that bully pulpit our blood, sweat and tears have
erected, and speak to the greater ideal.
America needs to hear you say, "We will no longer tolerate the
oppression of our gay and lesbian brothers and sisters, mothers and
fathers, aunts and uncles. They are our family. They are we and we are
The nation needs to hear you say, "We must prove ourselves worthy of the
title Americans; protectors of the weak, standard bearers of freedom,
and guarantors of equal rights for all."
Mr President, history will record the day you say, "From this day
forward no amendment, statute or law that seeks to deny full rights of
citizenship on the basis of sexual preference will be tolerated. Hatred
and bigotry are here forth banished to the dark recesses of small minds."
Let the Pledge of Allegiance light our way to tomorrow as "...one
nation, indivisible, with freedom and justice for all.'"
That, dear son of Lincoln, is the grand gesture we need from you.
We need a hero, and you have been elected.
Peace to you all. Love, Shel
I am sorry for the uncontrolled pessimism yesterday. I hope you all can appreciate my bad humor following the vandalizing of my car. I still am quite upset by it, but I have gained some perspective on the whole thing. To be more correct my bad feelings are no longer flowing over to everyone and everything that might be a slight annoyance to me. Worse things could have happened and what did happen only effects material things and my rather meager resources. I guess this is the way that life is structured.
I am staying home today since the center console is kind of hanging from the dash and the heating controls are on that console. The heating knob is actually missing. What use is that knob to anyone else? Taking that just is purely mean. I am getting over it though. Once I get estimates for insurance I should know more about how bad this will be financially. I suspect that insurance will not replace absolutely everything. I'm over it now. Life goes on.
I am now on to moving the monster of a piece of furniture I just put together into place. It is a kind of hutch. I need to make room for it first and then get some help moving it. When it is in place I can finish putting the doors and shelves in it. I will give me more storage. I am a pack rat. The real trick here will be to move the furniture into place without new injury to my back.
I am done for now. We are expecting more snow tonight and tomorrow. We had a little this morning. Have a good day.