Sunday, December 28, 2008

New year ....

New Year = New Life

This is a question, not a fact. I have no resolutions and no plan( I do have some plans, but no grand scheme.) I do have hope for a better year and a better life and possibly some fulfillment. Wow! There goes the question again. One thing, I begin the new year pretty broke. I am down to the essentials right now. That might not be quite so bad. Possessing things isn't all that great.

Peace and Happy New Year!


Tuesday, December 23, 2008


After the snow came the cold! It is cold outside, in the teens. Brrrrrr! I have been in a real state and it has been reflected here on this blog. A lot of it has revolved around a friendship that has hit on hard times. I did receive a very nice email from my friend. I am hoping that we will be able to work things out. When there was no communication there was no hope of working things out, now at least there is hope. It's at least kind of fitting of the season. The Christmas season speaks to me of hope in our world. Please notice I said hope. I have hope for a reasonable outcome. I have no expectations of perfection, in fact I have few real expectations, just a hope that there will be a reasonable outcome. She is a nice person and I have liked her a lot.

I had breakfast with my oldest son this morning. I am guessing that is the extent of family involvement I'll have this Christmas, except for phone calls. It will be a different Christmas.

Oh, I am so broke! Fortunately I monitored my bank account in time. Spending has stopped! I will be getting some money soon, but for now I am almost as broke as I have ever been. Actually, four years ago or so just after chemo ended I was within $10.00 of being totally broke with no prospects of income. I at least can expect my pension check soon and I have a church job this weekend. There is money in my account now, but not much. I was able to buy some presents, so for the moment all is good.

I know in my mind that the days get longer now, but the days are still very short. It is quarter of five at the moment and it is almost totally dark outside. It's good to be inside and warm. One problem I find is keeping my fingers warm. I am not sure why I feel cold fingers, but they are often like ice. I have lost in the range of 85 to 90 lbs in less than a year. Maybe it has something to do with that.

I just learned that the T'ai Chi class is off for the next two weeks. There wasn't one last week because the instructor was ill and it has been called off for the next two weeks. I guess I will just have to self motivate and try to remember the exercises. I feel so much better when I do the exercises.

I seem to be quite alone at home at the moment. This is highly unusual. Usually I am the one who is out and about, though C downstairs works daily. She is often home by this time, but I haven't heard anything from her yet. B & T are out shopping I

This all for today. Be well and keep warm.

Monday, December 22, 2008

The music poll

To the right I have placed a poll. A short while ago I added music to this blog. It dawned on me that this might not be something that everyone appreciates. I thought I would get a sense of how the readers felt about the music. The poll is simple so if you have an opinion please fill in the poll. Thanks.


Sunday, December 21, 2008

White Solstice

This a collection of miscellaneous items. It is snowing again! We are supposed to get another eight or so inches of the white stuff! Enough is enough! In spite of this Christmas may not be white. The forecast is for rain later in the week. We may have a slushy Christmas. This will be quite appropriate for me - a slushy Christmas. It kind of rolls off the tongue. Note to self: Write a song entitled "A Slushy Christmas." (Sorry about that, but I am looking for positives anywhere.)

My surgery is healing very well and I may even look normal after all. I know that sounds a little strange, but those of you that know me personally either know about what was done or can ask. Anyway I have been told I am weird. (Have you ever noticed that the word weird breaks the rule of "i before e except after c"? Now that is weird!)

I experienced a great deal of pain after the removal of the wisdom tooth on Tuesday. Since then there has been almost no pain. I do have a big hole where the tooth once was. I didn't realize how big the tooth was. It was way back in my mouth and was pretty much unnoticed except for brushing and flossing.

Last night I went to a benefit event in New Haven at a Gay Bar down there. We had dinner and then drinks. I went with some friends. I have done very little drinking since the Lap-Band surgery. Any small amount of alcohol make me very light headed. In addition, my usual wine of choice (Merlot) upsets my stomach. Last night I did have a glass of White Zinfandel before dinner and then another much later in the evening. White Zinfandel seems to work with my digestive system and I mostly drank coffee. Two glasses of wine was more than enough. The event got very crowded and I really don't enjoy being bumped and jostled in tight quarters. It's not a real big bar. We left about Eleven because one of the women I was with had to work early today.

I am not really sure if I was drunk from that small amount of wine, but later last night I spent quite some time crying. I don't think I was drunk. I have been upset since Thursday evening. To recap a bit, that day I drove to visit my father in Rhode Island early Thursday. I visited him and my Aunt (aged 97 and 93 respectively.) I then drove to Hartford to meet a friend for dinner. We then went to a cocktail party at Real Artways. When we got there I told my friend I planned to leave early (7:30 p.m., I was pretty tired.) She convinced me to stay a bit and I did. That is when my friend who is no longer talking with me arrived. She waved and didn't say a word to me. I had to go to the Ladies room and did. When I came out she was nowhere to be seen. I had already stayed later than I planned and it seemed that she still wasn't interested in talking with me, so I went home. I used to think we were good friends, but communication recently between us had been sparse and limited to brief emails. Her's always seemed to be disparaging of me in some way. At Thanksgiving I sent her an email hoping we could work things out, but her reply wasn't really positive. The whole thing is very upsetting to me. This is the second friendship in the past four years that has ended up with us not really communicating. I am pretty much back in therapy over this along with finding some kind of new life for myself. Truth be known we have spent more therapy time dealing with this friendship. She doesn't want to talk on the phone, her emails all seem to have negative tag and she seems to not want to talk in person. That really isn't very friend-like. (I am sitting here typing this with tears rolling down my face. Oh, Crap! My therapist would not be happy with me at all!) I guess I just have to live with this and get over it. The sad thing is that if she wanted I would still be friends at the drop of a hat. As I said it will be a Slushy Christmas.

On another matter (I am wiping up the tears and trying to move on), I have been trying to start a computer consulting business. I have been doing computer consulting mostly at no charge for quite some time now. I have been fixing computers and advising people on systems mostly for friends. (I fact, I spent a day fixing the computer of the friend mentioned above.) I began to think that I might do this for pay as a way to supplement my income and fill my time. There is a link on this site to my business web site. I have discovered that there is more to starting a business than printing cards and placing ads! I'll have to collect tax for the state, for example. The details of a business will be a very new experience for me.

I am now getting up to speed on Vista to be able to better deal with that system. I had worked with a pre-release version I was sent by Microsoft. That expired a while back though. I got Vista Home Premium with my laptop. I then purchased a subscription to Microsoft Technet and installed Vista ultimate and Office 2007. I will be setting up Server 2008 in a virtual machine on my desktop. I will be able to practice all configurations that way. There is a lot to this stuff! By the way, virtual sessions are wonderful! I ran server 2003 in one for quite a while as I also now run Linux and FreeBSD. If I could run Apple OS X in one I would do that also. I anyone out there knows if that is possible (or practical) let me know. Everything Apple produces is so expensive and i already have spent a lot setting up what I have. The Apple operating system is a variant of Unix so should be familiar. I worked with their old operating systems in the past.

This is proving to be one of my longer posts and I am sorry about the length. I am not sure if there will be another post before Christmas. I will wish you all a very Merry and Blessed Christmas. If you are not Christian I wish you the best of whatever Holy day you might observe. For you strictly secular folks today is the Winter Solstice. Days get longer from here, Rejoice! In any and all cases Peace to you all!

Saturday, December 20, 2008

Tougher and Tougher

It's snowing like crazy outside. It has snowed all day. I guess we will have a white Christmas if the snow stays. I have been feeling awful all day. I am not a mean or hard person and I feel terrible. I feel terrible that a person I thought was a good friend has brushed me aside and I feel bad that I have such hurt feelings.

I guess these things happen in relationships, but that is little consolation. I really do hate that it has happened near Christmas. This Christmas will be a real bust for me. My granddaughter is in Arizona and I sit here with bad feelings for someone I have liked so much. Life just seems to get tougher and tougher.

At least the snow will be pretty tomorrow! You take care and be safe and warm.


Thursday, December 18, 2008


I am discovering my own limits. I have long known that I have physical limits, but I kind of had some emotional high expectations of myself. I thought I had the ability to put almost anything behind me and to be charitable. I have discovered differently. I am discovering that being snubbed by a friend has really turned me off. I really think a great deal of my friends and I will often do a lot for them. But I have discovered that when one turns on me I am not so willing to be generous with myself any more. It is not what I expected of myself, but it is real.

It has been a tough week (wisdom tooth extracted Monday, in fact a tough month(Surgery on the 1st)and today was a very long day(I drove to Westerly, R.I. and back). My charity and good nature have been exhausted. I found I had to leave a social engagement early just to keep my perspective on things. I probably should have stuck it out, but I was feeling irritable. I decided I should go home. Enough said.

I have been seeing a therapist to gain some insight into myself. I am learning when to say no and when to call things to a halt. Maybe God can have infinite patience, love and forgiveness but I am not God. I have limits. I am really tired now so I am going to end.

Tomorrow's weather is supposed to be real bad. If you live in New England and plan to drive, please drive safely. Stay warm and stay dry.


Tuesday, December 16, 2008


Wisdom tooth, that is! I lost one this morning. More correctly, the dentist removed one of mine this morning. I pretty much have all my own teeth with two exceptions. When I was 21 I had an impacted wisdom tooth in my lower jaw. It had to be removed because it was going to cause damage to my other teeth. The removal was an absolute nightmare. The tooth had to be sectioned and then removed. I was awake for the whole procedure. I couldn't move my jaw for days afterward and I ate soft boiled eggs, mashed potato and milk shakes for a week. I was 21!

Today, much older, I had the wisdom tooth in the upper jaw above that missing tooth removed. It was mostly because there was no tooth below to push against for all these years. The tooth was hyper extending and had a cavity in it. This one came out a lot easier, though I do feel a bit under the weather from the experience. Hopefully I will be able to sleep tonight because I have a very busy day tomorrow. I am usually pretty good with pain. There has been some, but with ice and pain medication I am doing pretty well.

I am going to have a short nap now, though. Have a good evening!


Sunday, December 07, 2008

A Snowy Day

I have been kind of laying low and letting my body heal. I missed my T'ai Chi session this past week because I wasn't yet allowed to drive. I doubt I would have been able to do many of the exercises anyway. I somehow feel less centered without it though. I of course haven't been doing the exercises at home either. I plan to start again tomorrow. I'll need to modify things to favor my right side where the surgery was. I think I can do it fine.

I have been playing with my new toy to occupy myself. I bought a new laptop, a Toshiba Satellite. I needed to do more work with Vista since my trial version expired (how dare they do that!) I considered the cost of buying the operating system and discovered that it was only a little more to get a new laptop with Vista on it. Two Sunday jobs paid the bill. I now have a new 2G Hz laptop with 3G of RAM, 250 G Hard Disk and wireless networking along with Vista. So I have been playing. I am very hands-on about computers and Networking. I need to do. Once I learn it I am able to virtually visualize how do operate things without the computer being present. Did I mention that I was smart? I don't think about that often, but I have always been able to do most intellectual tasks I have tried. I am not really sure I know why I never got a PhD. I guess that timing and finances were just inconvenient. I did get two Masters from Yale long ago. Enough of that.

Next week I need to work on Christmas presents for my family in Arizona. There is now shipping time. My son's spouse has a birthday on the 18th to boot, what an tough time for a birthday. I don't want to forget her.

I think that I mentioned that there wasn't much pain with the surgery. It's either that or I tolerate pain well. I suspect it was a bit of both. I am going to end here for now. As usual I have more to say, but I need to think over what I plan to say a bit.

Oh, I almost forgot. We have snow on the ground! Overnight we had some light snow, about an inch, and it snowed on and off all day. It's winter I guess.

Stay warm and safe. Love,

Thursday, December 04, 2008

Surgery update

The surgery was done Monday. It went well and I was home quickly. I have been hanging out at home healing. There has been very little pain. Today I went for the follow-up appointment. They removed the bandage today and the results are looking great. Hopefully there will be no further problems. They had me wrapped in bandage from my waist to my neck. I am so glad to have the bandage off. I can now take a shower!

I want to thank everyone who called or sent best wishes. I appreciate your kind thoughts and prayers. I think I have about had enough of surgery for my life. I truly hope there will be no more, necessary or not.

You have a great day. Love,

Monday, December 01, 2008

Surgery once again

Well I am off to another surgery in a couple of hours. Some things seem endless. I will be happy to have this one done though. It is a surgery to correct a problem left over from a previous surgery. I had a complication to a previous surgery that now, hopefully will be corrected. It is not what you would call a life-threatening condition, but it does involve a couple of hours of surgery and anesthesia. Please wish me well.