Saturday, February 28, 2009

Things that suck!

Pardon my abrupt language, but several things are increasingly hard for me to take. The pain in my back is one of those things. It comes and goes now. Whenever I try to do something strenuous I pay with some pretty good (severe) pain. This clearly sucks!

A friend and I had had some misunderstandings a while ago and I thought we had settled things. She isn't returning phone calls, so I guess things aren't so good. I am so tired!

Today I was at a meeting in Hartford ( I have meetings at this place a lot) and when I came out I discovered that my car had been vandalized. A window was broken, my center dash console was pulled apart, my cd/stereo player was stolen and my GPS unit was stolen. There were other items stolen also but I am not going to itemize here. This clearly sucks big time!

The fact is that I really don't have much. I have a car with 175,000 miles on it and a very few personal possessions. I am on a pension and SS disability. I can't afford this kind of thing. I sure hope insurance pays something. I can drive without the radio and do without the GPS but The center console needs to be repaired as does the window! The console controls the heat in the car.

Oh well!

Love, Shel

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Relief at Last

Relief from back pain that is! Yes I am getting better. I have been out of the house and I have been doing house chores, etc. It is such a relief. The pain isn't completely gone, but it is quite clearly improving. The group therapy for weight loss and maintenance continues to be intense and quite revealing. Ironically as it progresses some new life possibilities seem to be opening to me. Many of my attitudes are changing and I am beginning to understand that I need to move on in my life. I have been thinking things I haven't thought in a while.

I have been trying to encourage a dear friend to explore weight loss surgery. She seems quite ambivalent and I know that the extra weight protects us from something in our lives. It is hard to give up that protection because there is a fear of being vulnerable. I hope for her health she takes the risk, at least to explore.

I need to go off to bed. Tomorrow is Ash Wednesday and I plan to go to an early service in a local Parish. I get to be in the congregation, an unusual pleasure.



Wednesday, February 18, 2009


Yesterday the pain in my back grew to monumental proportions. I made the mistake of horsing several heavy objects around. The muscles in my lower back absolutely seized up and I was on the verge of tears. I literally could not move out of my chair without help. I could not go to a dinner meeting. I consumed ibuprofen tablets and did practically nothing. Many ibuprofen tabs later and only moving when necessary I began to feel a bit better. I was able to go to bed unaided and I slept all night. I am somewhat better today.

I can move about without much pain and I have only taken two Ibuprofen tabs. One of the things I was horsing about was a bureau. It needed assembly and obviously it didn't get done yesterday. I started to do it today and shortly into the project I discovered that one of the major pieces had been severely damaged. I called the company immediately and they assured a replacement would be FedEx'ed to me A.S.A.P.
We'll see! The project is on hold for the moment. This is a real disappointment.

I still have another piece of furniture to assemble (the second and heaviest piece.) It is so heavy I am not sure how I will be able to handle it. I clearly do not want to revisit the pain of yesterday (it was quite severe. I tolerate pain rather well, but this was incredible!) Well I am off to figure out how to assemble the next piece. Peace.


Sunday, February 15, 2009

Sleepless in Connecticut

I almost always get a good night's sleep. There have been times I haven't gotten enough sleep because I went to bed too late and got up too early, but I usually don't suffer from insomnia. Two weeks ago I had a very bad night's sleep (basically none). There was nothing really bothering me then. Last night was a repeat, only my mind was clearly working over time. I am really beat now.

Part of the problem is that my back has been really bothering me quite bad. I know I have arthritis in my lower back and it acts up occasionally. Friday my back was starting to feel better, but yesterday morning I stepped on a shoe in my room and pulled the muscles in my lower back. I have been in pain ever since. So I had back pain last night. The bigger problem I think is that I have been going through group therapy for weight issues. I really want to continue to loose weight and to keep it off. I think I got in touch with some basic issues in my life. It is clear to me that these issues have been with me a very long time and they are solely my issues. I really can't blame any one else for them and there wasn't really anything that happened to bother me (other than what I have discovered about myself.)

I have come this far in my life and I find I don't really have a clue about how to make my life work out. I have been quite successful in keeping myself busy, but I don't know how to satisfy my most basic life needs. Instead of doing what I really need to do I fill myself with food to compensate. The problem is that knowing is only a part of deal, changing is the real problem. Today was a loss. My back hurt and I have been exhausted. I felt so bad I missed a meeting I had planed on attending. I didn't leave the house. My oldest son's birthday is today and I called him and will have to deliver his card and present another day. This whole weight loss thing is going to be much harder than I thought. I need to do it though for myself.

I also had a birthday last week which I spent with some great friends; dinners out the evening before and the evening of. It was very nice. Valentines day passed yesterday. It hasn't been a personally significant holiday for me in a while, but I do think it's nice to acknowledge friendships. So friends, Happy Valentines Day....a little late! Please remember I am a bit sleep deprived.

I really need to process many things. I am sure you'll hear more. I'm going to bed soon so good night.