No Complaining

I have concluded that some things are just too painful to write about. I have been trying to write about a part of my life for months now, but just can't do it. I have danced around the issue here, but truthfully I have been trying to deal with it(not here, but in my life.) Simply put some parts of my life are not working out very well.

I clearly understand that complaining about things does very little. It has in the past provided me with some ability to vent, but clearly that is all that has happened. I am going to try to vent less here and to move on in whatever way I can. There is really nothing I can do about things anyway.

My son and his family (including my granddaughter) are now in Arizona. I have talked with them by phone several times already, but this Thanksgiving will be the first without them. We are having Thanksgiving here this year and one of my house mate's family will be coming over. My father is traveling to Pennsylvania with friends (for 97 he sure gets around.) My other two son's will be with my ex. It will be a more scattered Thanksgiving this year. I am guessing that Christmas will be similar. I am now thinking I should start planning a trip to Arizona for February. I could be there for my granddaughter's third birthday and that would be very nice. I'll just have to see.

I did Sunday services at a new church yesterday. I enjoyed myself and I think they liked having me there. They wanted me to come back in January. That's a good thing, I believe. One never knows how a new congregation will respond. I have a very distinctive preaching style. People seem to either respond to it or not like it at all. This congregation seemed to like it. Such a plus!

Next Monday I will be having surgery. It is not a very great and serious matter, but it is still surgery. It is big enough that I will be under anesthesia for an hour or two, but I will be able to come home the same day. I am planning on being real sore for about a week. I know I won't be able to do lifting for a while. This week I will be so busy doing various things that time will go quickly.

I am not sure how much I will be able to post this week so I am going to wish you all a very happy and wonderful Thanksgiving. I hope you can share the day will those you love and who love you.

Love,
Shel

Miserable

Yesterday was a very miserable day. It didn't start that way, but things changed quickly with lunch. I don't really know why, but lunch gave me agony for the whole rest of the day. I actually was unable to eat or drink anything else until late in the evening. I can still feel some of the distress today, though I was able to eat breakfast ok. My coffee didn't go down well which is an indicator that things still are not right. I had a very mild and soft breakfast and I guess I will need to have a mild and soft lunch and possibly dinner. I also will need to drink water like crazy because I wasn't able to drink much yesterday. Yesterday at lunch I had a small piece of chicken. Usually I do well with chicken. I really don't know what happened.

It is really hard to describe how miserable I feel when eating goes wrong like it did. It ruins everything I am doing and keeps me tied to being near a toilet. I had a Dr's appointment with a dermatologist and later my Tai Chi class. I had to keep the Dr's appointment because he is so hard to see. By the way everything is fine. All the little spots I showed him are non-cancerous. The non good thing is that there isn't much that can be done about the biggest problem (discoloration on my lower right leg.) I'll just have to live with that. I usually enjoy Tai Chi, but I was absolutely miserable yesterday. Even the calming effects of Tai Chi didn't do much for me. I ended up later just breaking down in tears (that didn't help much either.)

Today I hope will be a much better day. So far it has been. The weather promises to be lousy (cold and rainy) but I have a warm heart so things will be better.

Love,
Shel

Too much....

There is almost too much to talk about. I don't know where to begin. I have been really busy all week and many things have been rolling through my brain these days. I started Tai Chi classes this week. I have always wanted to take Tai Chi up as a kind of meditation/discipline. I had the opportunity and certainly I have the time. I have also been walking much more. With the tremendous weight loss I feel so much better physically. I am now trying to put things right emotionally.

Emotions have been tough, though, I must admit. I find I have a great need for close relationships and affection. That is just the sort of thing that seems to be unavailable to me. Of course I make what turn out to be bad decisions on who I like. I did go out dancing last weekend. Dancing is great and with the weight loss I can dance once again without injuring myself. I've also learned to play darts in a bar. That's a very new thing to me. I never really played darts before. Guess what? I'm pretty good at it.

I have left out so much. Maybe that's a good thing. I probably would get myself in trouble saying more, maybe not. In any case I am ending here for now.

Peace and my love,
Shel

Good-bys again

Yesterday I said good-bye to my son, his spouse and my granddaughter for a final time. My son left today in a moving truck along with his younger brother. They are headed for Arizona. His spouse and my granddaughter leave tomorrow for Arizona by plane. It was a sad parting, and yes I cried. They begin a new chapter in their lives. I will certainly miss them. With the internet and pervasive phones they will still be available, but it won't be the same.

Many years ago my ex partner and I left on a similar adventure. We moved to Lawrence, Kansas where I was the Episcopal Chaplain. I guess I now know how my parents felt.

Keep the travelers in your prayers.

Love,
Shel

The Picture

I am sorry, but I now feel the need to remove my picture. I have had one on this blog for quite some time, but there are reasons that I now need to remove it. I will look for some kind of replacement, but for now the blog shall go unadorned.

A comment on my current life. I have been going through some profound emotional changes. Some of the time I have felt very much alone, but I can assure you all that I have some very good and close friends. They have have been great for the most part. The truth of the matter is that I am trying to make a new place for myself in the world. I have not explained everything that I have been doing. Unfortunately I have written about some of the more painful times and less of the very good times. I really hope to turn this trend around and be more positive. My life has been filled with very good things as well as the difficult.

There will be more.

Love,
Shel