OOPS!

I forgot about this Blog for a while!  Sorry about that.  No excuses, just forgot.  Nothing special has been happening.  I did go to see Avatar in 3D, Wow!  Nice experience.  I really got into the movie.  It is kind of a bit more violent than I might like, but it was very engrossing and striking.  Yes, I liked it and the 3D was not distracting and quite natural.  I think I would see another 3D movie.

I am planning to see my family in Arizona before too long.  I hope I can put the money together for it.  It doesn't help that my pension income was just  cut by almost $300 a month.  Where are those pick-up jobs when you need them?  I am trying very hard to not spend money.  It's a real challenge.  I tend to not make many large purchases, but I have been making a bunch of smaller ones.  I need to back off and only spend a bare minimum.  Traveling to Hartford all the time really eats gas!  Burning gas costs money.  It's one of the small ways I spend money.  Discipline!  That's what I need!  It's also hard for me to do!  Alas!

Oh, Yes.  I went to the Doctor's last week and the week before.  The good news is that I am healthy.  The bad news is that I haven't lost more weight.  It seems that I am a stress snacker.  Yes, even with gastric banding I can snack and abuse things.  Once again Discipline is required.  That is just what I am short of.  Of course less stress might help, too.  If I look at things carefully I am probably the one responsible for my own stress.  Yes, I believe that I have been let down a bit, but I am responsible for feeling stress over it.  That's all a story in itself and it's one I won't get into here.  Sorry!

I'm going to end here.  The blogger is acting strange and I don't want to begin all over.  I'll be back soon.  I promise.

Love,
Shel

PS,  The commenting system I have been using is going away to be replaced by a pay service.  Though I understand the need to bill for services, the previous one was free and I don't need more bills now.  I will probably loose all my old comments soon.  There's not much I can do about it.  Goodby Haloscan!
Shel

January Blues

January, the month, is named after the Roman God Janus.  Janus is a two faced God, one face pointing in one direction and the other in the opposite.  Janus was the God of Portals (doors and gates and the like) and also the past and the future and curiously fate.  The Romans had many Gods and some of them overlapped.  Dis was also God of fate in a dark kind of way.  So in January we look forward and we look back and some of us make resolutions to do things we probably won't do in the end.

I have never been one to be able to make resolutions and follow through with them.  I have been able to change my life but that didn't come from a list of resolutions.  It came from me realizing I needed to make those changes and doing it.  I didn't wait for Janus, Fate or Dis to intervene I just did it.  What about those things I couldn't do?  They still remain to be done.  Maybe I'll get to them in time.

I haven't been very consistent writing.  I have been busy, doing other things, forgot, avoided writing, etc, etc.  Those are the excuses.  I haven't felt like writing (truth.)  What's been happening?  I went to Boston to visit a friend and stayed five days while it snowed.  I had Christmas with my father and it was a delightful day.  I miss my granddaughter more than you can imagine. And things have been going as usual.

Saturday went home and ate too much
Ate the wrong thing for emotional reasons
Vomited
Had four nights of fitful sleep
Put back in perspective by my Therapist
Priceless

 Do you get the idea?  I feel better now, though.  I guess that life will never be exactly what I want it to be. Maybe Janus or Dis is more in control than I thought.

Love,
Shel

Rudolph

I feel like Rudolph the red nosed reindeer!  My nose is red and sore and I have been sneezing like a fool.  I woke up with a sore throat that has thankfully improved.  If this sounds familiar then you too have been afflicted with the seasonal cold.  I am thankful that it isn't worse, but I really feel crappy!  I guess I am in for another week of this if it follows the normal course.  What is it? ... fluids, Vitamin C and aspirin or Tylenol.  There is a cough but not too bad yet.  Oh, yes!  The other thing, plenty of sleep!  Now if my nose would stop running I might get some sleep.  Any one got some chicken soup? Oh, the picture isn't really me.  It IS how I feel!


Love,
Shel

Quickie

This will be quick.  I hab a cood in my nood.  Yes I have been afflicted.  It is annoying and little more.  I have been making sure Christmas presents get to  Arizona to my granddaughter and the rest of the family.  I'll worry about the folks here when that is all done.  I am actually in good shape in the shopping thing.  I should be able to avoid the stores after this week!  It's amazing if I do day so my self.  Shopping is somewhat simplified this year.  My kids get money, my granddaughter is done, I need something for friends, that's all.  All will be good if the cold doesn't get worse.

I have been having strange dreams and a very bad night's sleep.  I think the bad night's sleep was the beginning of the cold, though I did wake up and start crying.  What can I say I am an emotional woman!  The other night I watched "Marley and Me" and ended up bawling.  Tears were streaming down my face.  Unrelated, I broke a tooth.  The dentist fixed it today along with two other small problems.  Dental insurance is a good thing!  I had a strange thing where one of my front teeth looked like it was getting longer than the other one.  After x-rays showed everything was normal the Dentist did some grinding.  My teeth are now more balanced and she will do some more in the next appointment.  I think what might have happened was that one of the teeth got worn down more than the other.  It looked like one was growing longer, but in reality the other one was getting shorter.  The next thing will be building that shorter tooth up a bit.  The wonders of modern dentistry!

I am going to check out now.  I just started sneezing again so I am going to put the computer away and get some sleep.  Peace to you all!

Love,
Shel

A Bit Better Today

I am feeling a bit better Today.  I managed to sleep until 11:30 am which is practically unheard of in my current life (unfortunately it was all too common 5 years ago while I was undergoing chemo.)  Fortunately, also my jury duty for today was canceled.  I think I must have really needed the sleep.  The down side is that it is now 4:45 pm and already mostly dark outside.  I had thought of doing things today and this evening but I'm still in my jammies.  I really do need to get dressed though.  I need to buy some food some time, though I may wait until tomorrow now.

You will not believe how long a brick of cheese or package of thin sliced ham lasts me!  I can take a Quiche Lorraine and cut it into 8 pieces and have breakfast for 8 days!  A brick of cheese lasts about the same amount of time.  A dozen eggs lasts 12 days if I have one egg a day.  One egg is a meal.  I break a head of cauliflower into florettes and a florette broken into pieces is a meal.  I am almost out of everything just now.  I haven't had a Quiche in quite a while.  I ate all my protein bars for breakfast and am now having an egg for breakfast.  The cheese is almost totally gone.  I usually have olives on hand, but they are finished.  I finished the cauliflower two days ago.  What am I eating?  I had a cup of  Bean soup for lunch and a quarter cup of oatmeal for breakfast.  I am rapidly running out of stocked food!

More seriously, I have been greatly troubled by the death of Mike Penner/Christine Daniels.  I never knew the person, but I have known people who have committed suicide.  A little over 5 years ago I sat with a friend in the emergency room over the whole memorial day weekend after she attempted suicide.  Thank God she was not successful and had called for help.  Sadley Mike Penner did not do the same.  What drives people to such extremes?  The fact is that when anyone is anything but the "norm" they can and often do experience extreme social condemnation and sometimes persecution.  We like to think that we live in a free society, a free country, but who is that freedom for?  Ask people of color, people different religions,  cultural backgrounds, sexual orientations, gender identies how free we actually are.  I am a Lesbian woman of peculiar origins (some would say) and I live in New England.  Things are quite tolerant and free here, but I know that isn't necessarily so everywhere in the US and certainly not everywhere in the world.  They want to put people like me to death in places like Uganda! What is especially alarming to me is that much of this intolerance is done in the name of christianity!

Let me be quite clear.  Jesus, also known as Christ or Messiah, never advocated hate in any form.  He never advocated discrimination or hurting any one in any way.  Any kind of hate, discrimination, violence or intolerance is decidedly not Christian and actually goes against the religious precepts of most organized religions. I guess that Mike Penner was the victim of sociatal violence and hate which he turned inward.  I believe this because I have seen this.  I have seen it in my own life and in the lives and stories of others.  I am not sure that there is anything I personally could have done for Mike Penner, I never met him.  His story does pull at my heart and I pray for all like him whose lives are in torment and turmoil.

You have a wonderful evening in the Peace of God.
Love,
Shel

Update

I did get some more sleep as it works out. Part of that was that my therapist called to postpone the appointment due to illness, hers not mine. I on the other hand have now some kind of stomach problem. This is not the usual I ate wrong thing. This had not been one of my better days so far. I hope that this isn't the prelude to some more serious problem (the flu or something like that.) That would be something. Wake up obsessing because of the Flu?

In any case I sit here feeling pretty bad, but actually somewhat rested. What I am now obsessing over is what to get my family in Arizona for Christmas. My son's partner also has a near Christmas birthday. This must have been hard her whole life so I want to get her something nice. What do I get the mother of my granddaughter who is in a new home in Arizona? If I was closer I might actually have a clue.

I have sent off things for my Granddaughter already. That was easy. What to do, what to do?

Love,
Shel

Why, You might Ask?

The First why?  Why am I up at this early hour writing this?  Answer.  I woke up at 4:30 am and couldn't get back to sleep.  And yes, something is bothering me.  I am not sure why things are bothering me this morning, but they are.  And, yes I am feeling emotional.  I am writing this just to get something out for now.  I have a therapy appointment later today so I will talk it out then.

The second why?  In short Mike Penner, AKA Christine Daniels.  Being Trans, being Gay, being just a little different is very hard.  Unless you have walked in those shoes you have no idea how hard it is or can be.  The Mike Penner situation is so sad and disturbing.  It is disturbing to know that such social violence was done to that sad person that he felt the need to do violence to himself.  Yes, I know that he was conflicted about his gender and it is far too late to do anything for him.  There are others to be saved.

The third why?  Why is the first why bothering me?  I like to think of myself as an adult and a capable one at that.  This only proves that no matter how old one gets and how mature one thinks of oneself underneath we are still children looking to be loved.  Aren't we having fun?

Observation 1:  Television stinks this time of the morning!  Even on cable.
Observation 2:   We are in for another windy day.
Observation 3:   I will feel like crap later today for lack of sleep.

Tomorrow I have Jury Duty.  The first 50 years of my life I was never once called for Jury Duty. Since then I have been called almost yearly.  One year I received three notices!  WTF!  This is certainly not random!  There is nothing to do but go and serve.  It probably will be a very dull day.  Being chosen for a jury would be some excitement at least.  Every other time I have just sat all day and haven't been on a jury. Note to self: bring reading material!

It's amazing, I have been up for two hours already!  You have a nice day and I will do the best I can.

Love,
Shel