Limits

I am discovering my own limits. I have long known that I have physical limits, but I kind of had some emotional high expectations of myself. I thought I had the ability to put almost anything behind me and to be charitable. I have discovered differently. I am discovering that being snubbed by a friend has really turned me off. I really think a great deal of my friends and I will often do a lot for them. But I have discovered that when one turns on me I am not so willing to be generous with myself any more. It is not what I expected of myself, but it is real.

It has been a tough week (wisdom tooth extracted Monday, in fact a tough month(Surgery on the 1st)and today was a very long day(I drove to Westerly, R.I. and back). My charity and good nature have been exhausted. I found I had to leave a social engagement early just to keep my perspective on things. I probably should have stuck it out, but I was feeling irritable. I decided I should go home. Enough said.

I have been seeing a therapist to gain some insight into myself. I am learning when to say no and when to call things to a halt. Maybe God can have infinite patience, love and forgiveness but I am not God. I have limits. I am really tired now so I am going to end.

Tomorrow's weather is supposed to be real bad. If you live in New England and plan to drive, please drive safely. Stay warm and stay dry.

Love,
Shel

Wisdom

Wisdom tooth, that is! I lost one this morning. More correctly, the dentist removed one of mine this morning. I pretty much have all my own teeth with two exceptions. When I was 21 I had an impacted wisdom tooth in my lower jaw. It had to be removed because it was going to cause damage to my other teeth. The removal was an absolute nightmare. The tooth had to be sectioned and then removed. I was awake for the whole procedure. I couldn't move my jaw for days afterward and I ate soft boiled eggs, mashed potato and milk shakes for a week. I was 21!

Today, much older, I had the wisdom tooth in the upper jaw above that missing tooth removed. It was mostly because there was no tooth below to push against for all these years. The tooth was hyper extending and had a cavity in it. This one came out a lot easier, though I do feel a bit under the weather from the experience. Hopefully I will be able to sleep tonight because I have a very busy day tomorrow. I am usually pretty good with pain. There has been some, but with ice and pain medication I am doing pretty well.

I am going to have a short nap now, though. Have a good evening!

Love,
Shel

A Snowy Day

I have been kind of laying low and letting my body heal. I missed my T'ai Chi session this past week because I wasn't yet allowed to drive. I doubt I would have been able to do many of the exercises anyway. I somehow feel less centered without it though. I of course haven't been doing the exercises at home either. I plan to start again tomorrow. I'll need to modify things to favor my right side where the surgery was. I think I can do it fine.

I have been playing with my new toy to occupy myself. I bought a new laptop, a Toshiba Satellite. I needed to do more work with Vista since my trial version expired (how dare they do that!) I considered the cost of buying the operating system and discovered that it was only a little more to get a new laptop with Vista on it. Two Sunday jobs paid the bill. I now have a new 2G Hz laptop with 3G of RAM, 250 G Hard Disk and wireless networking along with Vista. So I have been playing. I am very hands-on about computers and Networking. I need to do. Once I learn it I am able to virtually visualize how do operate things without the computer being present. Did I mention that I was smart? I don't think about that often, but I have always been able to do most intellectual tasks I have tried. I am not really sure I know why I never got a PhD. I guess that timing and finances were just inconvenient. I did get two Masters from Yale long ago. Enough of that.

Next week I need to work on Christmas presents for my family in Arizona. There is now shipping time. My son's spouse has a birthday on the 18th to boot, what an tough time for a birthday. I don't want to forget her.

I think that I mentioned that there wasn't much pain with the surgery. It's either that or I tolerate pain well. I suspect it was a bit of both. I am going to end here for now. As usual I have more to say, but I need to think over what I plan to say a bit.

Oh, I almost forgot. We have snow on the ground! Overnight we had some light snow, about an inch, and it snowed on and off all day. It's winter I guess.

Stay warm and safe. Love,
Shel

Surgery update

The surgery was done Monday. It went well and I was home quickly. I have been hanging out at home healing. There has been very little pain. Today I went for the follow-up appointment. They removed the bandage today and the results are looking great. Hopefully there will be no further problems. They had me wrapped in bandage from my waist to my neck. I am so glad to have the bandage off. I can now take a shower!

I want to thank everyone who called or sent best wishes. I appreciate your kind thoughts and prayers. I think I have about had enough of surgery for my life. I truly hope there will be no more, necessary or not.

You have a great day. Love,
Shel

Surgery once again

Well I am off to another surgery in a couple of hours. Some things seem endless. I will be happy to have this one done though. It is a surgery to correct a problem left over from a previous surgery. I had a complication to a previous surgery that now, hopefully will be corrected. It is not what you would call a life-threatening condition, but it does involve a couple of hours of surgery and anesthesia. Please wish me well.

Love,
Shel

No Complaining

I have concluded that some things are just too painful to write about. I have been trying to write about a part of my life for months now, but just can't do it. I have danced around the issue here, but truthfully I have been trying to deal with it(not here, but in my life.) Simply put some parts of my life are not working out very well.

I clearly understand that complaining about things does very little. It has in the past provided me with some ability to vent, but clearly that is all that has happened. I am going to try to vent less here and to move on in whatever way I can. There is really nothing I can do about things anyway.

My son and his family (including my granddaughter) are now in Arizona. I have talked with them by phone several times already, but this Thanksgiving will be the first without them. We are having Thanksgiving here this year and one of my house mate's family will be coming over. My father is traveling to Pennsylvania with friends (for 97 he sure gets around.) My other two son's will be with my ex. It will be a more scattered Thanksgiving this year. I am guessing that Christmas will be similar. I am now thinking I should start planning a trip to Arizona for February. I could be there for my granddaughter's third birthday and that would be very nice. I'll just have to see.

I did Sunday services at a new church yesterday. I enjoyed myself and I think they liked having me there. They wanted me to come back in January. That's a good thing, I believe. One never knows how a new congregation will respond. I have a very distinctive preaching style. People seem to either respond to it or not like it at all. This congregation seemed to like it. Such a plus!

Next Monday I will be having surgery. It is not a very great and serious matter, but it is still surgery. It is big enough that I will be under anesthesia for an hour or two, but I will be able to come home the same day. I am planning on being real sore for about a week. I know I won't be able to do lifting for a while. This week I will be so busy doing various things that time will go quickly.

I am not sure how much I will be able to post this week so I am going to wish you all a very happy and wonderful Thanksgiving. I hope you can share the day will those you love and who love you.

Love,
Shel

Miserable

Yesterday was a very miserable day. It didn't start that way, but things changed quickly with lunch. I don't really know why, but lunch gave me agony for the whole rest of the day. I actually was unable to eat or drink anything else until late in the evening. I can still feel some of the distress today, though I was able to eat breakfast ok. My coffee didn't go down well which is an indicator that things still are not right. I had a very mild and soft breakfast and I guess I will need to have a mild and soft lunch and possibly dinner. I also will need to drink water like crazy because I wasn't able to drink much yesterday. Yesterday at lunch I had a small piece of chicken. Usually I do well with chicken. I really don't know what happened.

It is really hard to describe how miserable I feel when eating goes wrong like it did. It ruins everything I am doing and keeps me tied to being near a toilet. I had a Dr's appointment with a dermatologist and later my Tai Chi class. I had to keep the Dr's appointment because he is so hard to see. By the way everything is fine. All the little spots I showed him are non-cancerous. The non good thing is that there isn't much that can be done about the biggest problem (discoloration on my lower right leg.) I'll just have to live with that. I usually enjoy Tai Chi, but I was absolutely miserable yesterday. Even the calming effects of Tai Chi didn't do much for me. I ended up later just breaking down in tears (that didn't help much either.)

Today I hope will be a much better day. So far it has been. The weather promises to be lousy (cold and rainy) but I have a warm heart so things will be better.

Love,
Shel