The Suck

I have decided that life kind of sucks. I have a friend (I haven't lost them all) who perpetually says that people suck. It's worse than that, life itself sucks. I have lived long enough to feel entitled to proclaim this. I am not sure what would lead me to believe that life didn't suck. Fortunately life doesn't suck universally or uniformly. I guess life is kind of like the universe in that. Matter and energy seems to clump in the universe because of imperfections. Life sucks I am sure because of imperfections. Now nothing special has happened to cause this observation. I am just reflecting on the way my life has been going in general.

I guess I could be very and painfully specific about what sucked, but I will spare you all the details. I am sure there are others who will agree with this decision.

I am preparing to go on a trip to Anaheim California next week. I will be across the street (literally) from Disney Land and down the street from Knotts Berry Farm and probably won't visit either of them. I am going to the General Convention of the Episcopal Church. I have in fact been to Disney Land and Knotts Berry Farm twice. In fact I lived practically around the corner and down the street in Garden Grove for a year when I was a teenager. This time I am going to attend my Forth General Convention. It probably will be my last, but one never knows. The last time I went to one was in 1976 (shortly after my oldest son was born.) At that Convention Women Priests were authorized. That is a good thing for me.

This all will be very expensive and I really can't afford it. I have been the beneficiary of the gift of a free flight there and back and some financial support for other expenses. I very much, therefore, am going for business and not pleasure. There was a time that I had family in California, but most of that family has died. In fact an Aunt in San Diego died at the beginning of the month. She was 102. Her daughter still lives in San Diego, but I have never in my memory met her and she is 20 years older.

I'll try to remember to blog from Anaheim. I am going to try to show the church that I an people like me are human beings and Children of God and deserve to be treated as such. As I said life sucks. Some people are still treated as less equal than others. You would think that churches would automatically be filled with love and charity for all. We all know different.

This only part of why life sucks, the rest will have to wait for another time. Just another suck, I have to take a friend for medical tests. She has been catheterized for most of a month now and the Doctors still don't know exactly why it's necessary.

My life may suck, but I hope yours is great.

Love,
Shel

Pride

10 Clams or so

I'll get to the title in a bit. First I have been very busy. I haven't been making money, but I have been busy. I will be going to Anaheim next month to attend the General Convention of the Episcopal Church. I am going with a contingent of people who are advocating the full rights of LGBT people in the Episcopal Church. I am a priest in that church and believe very much that all people are equal in the sight of God and should be equal in the Church. I am sure there will be more on that as time moves on. I will be taking my computer and plan to blog some from my home state of California. Yes, I was born in California and lived my younger years there.

Now to the clams. Actually there is a restaurant in Mystic, CT called Ten Clams. I used to stop there occasionally when returning home from a visit to my Father in Rhode Island. I stopped there because they have Clam Fritters. They are a delicacy that is sort of hard to find any place other than Rhode Island. I would have a cup of Clam Chowder ((pronounced chowda) and a half dozen fritters with Ice Tea. It doesn't sound like much, but it was heaven! It turns out that Clam Fritters are among those foods that are difficult to eat post Lap-Band. Anything bready or caky is almost a sure visit to the toilet. Sooo, I didn't stop at Ten Clams. I did think about it though. Instead I went to a Fish and Chips place I know and had one piece of Cod.

That was all part of a visit to my father and my aunt, 98 and 94 respectively. That was part of a very busy week. The first part of the week involved resolving issues created when one of my front tires shredded. I ended up not only needing two new tires, but a new lug stud (don't ask - I didn't know either) and new brakes. Yikes!
That was not only costly of time, but of money.

I also did a great deal of work for a company I am consulting with, for no money at this time ( I am a soft touch and I did as much of the project as I could do.) I also worked on a brochure for the Church effort. I had to take elements that others had created and structure it into a tri-fold brochure (project completed!) Tomorrow I go to Therapy (surprise, I have life issues) and later to T'ai Chi.

I think we are caught up. I have some thoughts on certain current issues that will have to wait for another post. It has been very soggy here in Connecticut. The mosquitoes are out and I had a bite that blew my arm up. I guess I am allergic to mosquito bites. Stay dry and safe.

Love,
Shel

Pow!

Pow! That's how you might imagine a tire would blow out and I suppose some do go like that. Mine blew out late Saturday night on I-84 as I was driving 65 MPH in the pouring rain. There was no great sound. It was more like I was hydroplaning for a while and then there was a rumbling sound. I pulled over and as I crossed the rumble strip the tire must have totally disintegrated. As I stopped there was the smell of burned rubber. There was almost no tire left. Amazing!

I called the road emergency service and an hour later I drove home on the donut spare. The whole thing cost me $250 so far. I day so far because the emergency road service stripped one of my lug nuts and I still need to have that fixed. I can only imagine what that entails and what the expense will be. My finances are marginal at best so this is not good. So early Sunday morning after my nerves settled I went to bed.

Yesterday seems like a lost day. Because I went to sleep very late I slept late. Before I was fully awake it was already afternoon. Before I could get my coffee and breakfast I had a phone call which turned into a two hour call. My day just seemed to go that way. I went to bed at a somewhat reasonable time all things considered, but woke up about an hour later. My mind was racing and full of thoughts and concerns appropriate for my therapist. None of these things were appropriate for the day and I don't know why last night was the night for them. In any case, I didn't get back to sleep until the sun was up. This was all not great since I needed to get a tire today sometime early. Please reference sections on the tire. By the way, one tire leveraged itself into two, one shredded and the other legally bald.

This was much of my day. The rest has been a brief nap and then a Film Festival meeting. Let me throw in there a bout of visiting the porcelain goddess because I tried to rush eating. I don't know what to make of my sleep problems last night. I don't see my therapist until next week. I still have all that unresolved stuff and today let's add a very stressful phone call from one of my children. It was stressful since I really can't help much and the stress level and frustration on the other end was very great.

Will I sleep tonight?

Love,
Shel

Not to speak

I have been laid up for the past several days with a wicked cold. There have been many of the usual symptoms so I won't bore with the whole list. Part of it has been a very bad sore throat and also loss of the ability to speak. I can manage a kind of whisper or possibly croak put a word or two, but nothing more. It is very frustrating. I missed Connecticut Pride yesterday (I was near death all day!) I had not had anything solid to eat in days. My diet was chicken soup, quiche (which is much like custard), yogurt and various other liquids (hot or cold depending on what felt best on the throat.) The throat soreness is subsiding, but I still can't speak. If things aren't much better tomorrow I'll cal the Doctor.

It is good though that I feel well enough to write this. I think that mostly I slept since Thursday. I know I Twittered at least once. The irony here is that every one under the son wanted to talk with me over the phone. It's very frustrating. You either don't answer or do some kind of miserable croak. Believe me my croak doesn't sound anything like me by the reaction of people on the phone!

Maybe tomorrow I'll have some voice of some sort. I appear to be living in the house of illness. Only one of the people living here is relatively well. One had to go to the Emergency room and her partner is there with her. I still don't know for sure what's going on there. I can't call and be understood. Tomorrow's got to be a better day!

Love,
Shel

Clarity

It is clear now! I am coming down with a cold. I haven't reached the really bad spot with the cold, but I do have goopy sinuses and the back of my throat is scratchy. Additionally I am occasionally getting hoarse. I hope I don't scare people away on the phone. When I get hoarse I sound rather deep.

I was up last night until 3 am working. I was on a conference call working on a project. Hopefully this will bring in some money at some time in my life. I did more work on the project during the day today and it looks like I will be doing a PowerPoint presentation. I'll have to pull out PowerPoint skills once again. This is all call back on old skills, web server administration, DNS and PowerPoint.

Sniffle,sniffle. I think it's time for bed. Nothing better for a cold than fluids, Vitamin C, chicken soup and sleep. My colds at this time of the year have their origins in spring pollen allergies. I am allergic to all of the common grasses and some of the common weeds, alas.

Be well. Love,
Shel

Malaise

I am suffering from a kind of malaise (In everyday usage, malaise tends to mean feeling vaguely unwell, not having the energy to get up and do anything, or even just being lazy.) I am not really sure what it is all about, but there are several possibilities. The biggest suspect is sudden inactivity. I have been extremely busy since February with various projects. Last week the Gay and Lesbian Film Film Festival finished. Suddenly I don't have much left to do. The reality though is that I really don't have many structured things to do. I have things that need doing, but they require me to be self motivated and organized. This takes more effort. I guess I am like a lot of people and move toward things that require less effort. There are other reasons that are suspect, but I am unwilling to talk about them here.

So what am I doing? Simple things like doing the dishes and writing this. I have watched Movies for the past two days. Today I need to break the pattern and to move beyond the malaise. I my case I think that malaise tends more toward the lazy than to the sick. Though I may actually be a kind of sick but that's not for here.

The weather is grand so I think I need to walk, after I finish the dishes I think.

Love,
Shel

Blog?

Blog,blog,blog. I haven't been too busy. I have been too fried! I'll write more tomorrow. It's too late tonight to do more.

Love,
Shel