Friday, August 29, 2008

Flux and Flex

It is really difficult to describe how I feel at this moment. The past two weeks have been extraordinarily stressful and emotional for me. I am sure that I cannot and probably should not describe every detail. In the last post I tried to relay some of the things that have been on my mind and in my feelings. Tonight I am at home with nothing particular to do. It is a rather unusual situation for me these days, but I guess I am OK with it. In the last week I have discussed my life with several friends in various detail. Some things I have really kept to myself, but the sorts of things I have put up here have been discussed.

I am not sure that there is a clear path for me. Most of my friends seem to think that things will become clear to me with a little time. They may be right. Some of my realizations are very new and fresh. I certainly need to explore my physical limitations before jumping into things that might be more than I can handle. Other aspects of my life are still pretty much in flux. Many of the friends I have been talking to are outside the LGBT community and I have been getting a fresh look at things and myself because of that. My emotions are calming down also.

Just think of me as having gone through two weeks of craziness. I wasn't crazy of course, but I was very distracted and at times emotional. I am calmer now though little has really changed. Some of what has been going on I have absolutely no control over. I realize that there are things and situations that are out of my control. Getting distraught over those things will accomplish little.

I do believe that following this weekend I will be attempting to do some new things. there are things I have put off and a few things that I have just avoided. I need to see some Doctors. That may sound strange, but I still have some issues that may need resolving. I really need to see my urologist. I have a long history of kidney stones. I need to see a dermatologist. I have a large area of skin discoloration. It isn't cancer, but there might be something that can be done to make the area look better. I really need to see a dentist! I have dental insurance at long last and I know I have two broken teeth. There are other things I want to explore also. I am in addition planning to go into group therapy for the weight thing. I fully understand that I was heavy for a reason. I really don't want to ever be heavy again! I want to continue to loose weight and feel better and look better. Emotions and excessive weight are a package I think. I guess I have a lot to do.

I also want to explore what I might do to be more than a blob on the couch. Visiting doctors can be time consuming, but it isn't very fulfilling. I have work to do. Life happens, but I am tired of feeling like it has been happening to me and dumping on me.

You might have figured out the Flux in the title but what is the Flex? Simple, the weight group therapy is called the Flex Group.

Until next time my Love and God's Peace,

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