Friday, January 11, 2008

Time, time, time

Time, time, time, see whats become of me
While I looked around
For my possibilities

The above quote from a Simon and Garfunkel song strikes a real cord in me today. Last night I didn't sleep very well. I wrote about a dream I had a few days ago. When I went to bed later I had a real bad experience. I remembered an incident from 1992. More correctly, I FELT that experience. One of the good things about our existence is that we cannot recall pain. We can remember that we had pain, but we don't feel that pain when we remember. I can remember when I broke my left arm and I can remember that it was painful but I do not feel the pain when I remember. There is one exception to this and it is emotional pain. It seems to never leave us and can be recalled in it's full intensity. That's what happened to me last night. I recalled and felt emotional pain from 16 years ago. Not surprisingly that pain had to do with my ex. We almost ended our relationship back then. I suspect that if we hadn't had young kids together the relationship would have ended then.

The dream is beginning to take on some new dimensions for me now. It also strike me that the problems between my ex and I that caused the emotional distress started in early January of that year. I seem to be having a kind of anniversary reaction sixteen years later! It took me a while to get to sleep last night. I really don't want to visit that emotional place again. It would serve no purpose. Other than the dream and the anniversary thing I see no other reason to go there again. Maybe suppressed emotional material percolates up after a while. I really hope I am done with this. I have enough on my plate already. I don't need sixteen year old emotional turmoil added.

I hope your night was much better than mine and that you have a great day.


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