It's been a difficult day. I am not sure why. Nothing new has happened. The weather wasn't even bad. Let's just say that I am looking for something in my life and not finding it and some days it really, really gets to me. Today it got to me. One of the problems is that I have no real routine to loose myself in. I am sure I have always had these kinds of days, but often I could escape in the routine of work. Most of my adult life I have worked and worked hard. It wasn't physical work, but it was always demanding. I usually worked very long hours. Not working is a novelty for me. When I was ill not working was ok. Now it isn't so great. I guess it might be great if I had the resources to travel. I don't have those resources, so today wasn't such a good day.
I was able to find a new therapist who takes my insurance. I haven't met her yet, but I am hopeful she will be helpful. The appointment is later in the week. As I look at my week, this is a week without a lot scheduled. I guess I am lonely and bored. The lonely thing I know already. I just don't know why it bothers me so much. It's all so so relative. My loneliness is a very deep one.
Enough, I am beginning to feel sorry for myself so I need a reality check. You be well.
Love,
Shel
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