Ultimate despair

That's a dire title and maybe it's a bit over stated but I have a way of occasionally sinking into one of these moods.  I don't do this spontaneously but it is usually a combination of things.  Tonight it consists of the Christmas season, having no relationship, thinking about it and watching absolutely the wrong movie.  I have a real talent for choosing the wrong movie for the moment and I did it tonight.  I found myself on the verge of tears.  The movie wasn't sad it was just the wrong movie for how I was feeling.  I was sad or sad enough that the movie touched me in the wrong way.  I am now sitting here feeling like I need to break out in full tears.  Sigh!  This too will pass... I hope.

Peace and as always my Love,

Shel

OMG!

OMG!  I am sorry to have neglected this blog so long.  I could use the excuse that I was busy and I was, but I wasn't THAT busy.  The truth is that I have been working more at things that involve the computer and this means I use the computer less for recreation.  When I was working doing Computer Networking Training I seldom used the computer outside of work.  Today I am working a lot at photography and since the cameras are now digital I post process with the computer.  I am also doing some professional work on Blogs so this seems to take a back seat these days.  When I was recovering from Cancer and the after effects of Chemo this was one of my few outlets.

Let's catch up a bit.  My father turned 99 on Sept. 1st.  Can you imagine that?  He was born September 1, 1911 in Granite City, Illinois.  He was the youngest child and is the only survivor of his brothers and sisters.  His brother's wife, Aunt Naomi, died this past summer at the age of 102.  She was totally invalid, but my father lives on his own and still drives.  I visit him every other week and bring home cooked food for him.  This past visit I brought him home cooked split pea and ham soup.  I must say it was good!

I have been well, mostly.  This week the arthritis in my back has bothered a bit.  Speaking of arthritis, my knees are bothering me a lot these days.  I want to walk more, but it begins to hurt after a while.  I guess there are a few down-sides to growing older.  My granddaughter is thriving out in Arizona, along with her parents.  They are doing well and seem to be very happy.  I talk with them on Skype whenever I can.  My other two sons were caught up in the closing of the Shaw's Super Market chain in Connecticut.  They are still looking for jobs.  The economy stinks!

This is about enough for now.  I will try to be more faithful at blogging.  You all be well.

Love,
Shel

Paen to my Big Black Dog

Just about 13 years ago my ex partner and the kids and I brought home a little black Labrador puppy.  He was soon named Scout and joined our family.  He grew from a puppy to an adult and though a large dog he was always gentle and friendly.  He had a loud bark and terrified anyone who visited, but truth be known, he was harmless.  He had a great disposition.  He grew up with the boys (three of them) and was a friend not only to us (his people), but to the two Beagles and to the cats (there were many and various.)

Scout was enthusiastic and loving.  About six years ago I moved out of the house.  Scout stayed with my ex, but I still thought of him as my dog.  Whenever I visited he greeted me cheerfully, I was not forgotten.  As he aged he had developed gray hair so he was no longer all black.

Last week, Scout became unable to walk.  His rear legs became paralyzed.  My son and I took him to the Vet.  Apparently, it is common for large dogs to have spinal and hip degeneration in old age.  Scout could no longer be himself.  He couldn't go out and run as he once had loved to do. He couldn't control himself.  The decision was hard but Scout's final moments were with my son and I.

What can I say about a good dog other than I will miss him.  He was part of my family and I loved him.  I sure hope there is a doggie heaven and that Scout is with Lady and Max, the beagles who were his companions for so many years.   Goodby Scout!

Love,
Shel

PS:  This wasn't really a classical paen because it wasn't a song.  It was meant to be a tribute, and in that sense, I believe it is a paen.

Doing Something -Gulf Disaster Relief

Yesterday I took a large number of pictures of an event designed to help bring relief to the people of the Gulf coast who's lives have been so greatly affected by the Oil Disaster.  Yes, I call it a disaster!  Untold quantities of oil have been released in the waters of the Gulf of Mexico. That oil has to go somewhere!  It is currently going to the shore of Louisiana, Mississippi, Alabama and Florida.  It is almost certain to affect a much greater area in the near future.  We will be dealing with the effects of this disaster for many years to come I am sure.

I group of people, musicians and others, have started a project to privately raise funds for Disaster Relief.  This project called "Give to the Gulf" had a press release event yesterday and that is the event I photographed. I will put up some of the photos on a separate page.  Look for the tab at the top of the page.  I will tempt you with one here.

This young singer named Jackson has contributed his talents and music to help in the Relief effort.  For the web site of Give to the Gulf go to http://www.givetothegulf.org. You can find some of Jackson's music there to download from itunes.  The small price you will pay will all go to relief efforts in Louisiana and the area with the help of the United Way of Louisiana.  Musicians can contribute their talents by adding their music to the music to be downloaded and there is a link on the site for that.

I am in New England which is far from the Gulf but I hope to do my little bit to help those effected by the great and terrible oil release in the Gulf.  Visit the site and download a tune or two. For a news report follow this link to NBC 30 News.

Another News Channel, WTNH in New Haven put up a video report.


Love,

Shel

Loose Some Weight (Give to the Gulf)

There is all kind of weight.  What I am feeling and have been feeling for a while is weight in my soul.  To understand a little about this weight follow this link.  I had to use a link because I don't have any of my own pictures to use and I didn't want to steal someone else's picture. It's a picture of an oil soaked Pelican from the Gulf Coast and the article speculates on whether it is better to save animals so stricken or to kill them.  Which would be more humane? The oil (can one really call this a spill?) disaster in the Gulf of Mexico just tears me apart.  I feel for he animals that are damaged and killed. I feel for the people whose lives and livelihoods have for ever been changed (maybe even destroyed.) It all weight very heavy on my soul.

I think the great weight comes from a real feeling of helplessness. I also feel rage!  It just seems that one stupid move follows another.  Money and technology seem to be useless.  Don't get me going on the way politicians are behaving!  Members of Congress apologizing to the Oil Company?  Get real! 

There is going to need to be a relief effort in the Gulf area and possibly in other areas (dare I mention the possibility of damage to the East Coast of the US and maybe damage as far away as the coasts of Europe?).  People's lives have been changed and there is going to be a continuing need for clean-up (can there ever be a real cleanup from something like this?)

Someone local here in Connecticut is trying to do something to help in the relief effort.  Some Musicians and others have mounted a effort to put their Music up on the Web for sale through itunes with the proceeds going totally to the Gulf Relief Effort.  This is a wonderful thing for these people to do! The effort is called "Give to the Gulf" and you can find their web site by following the link or going to www.givetothegulf.org.

Buying a few tunes from itunes can make a difference.  Music can sooth the soul and these pieces of music might just lighten your soul a bit.

Love,
Shel

Car Woes ETC

I have spent most of the week stranded at home.  Monday, while driving, I lost the transmission in my car.  The car had no reverse and I made it home and ultimately to the dealership by going forward only.  Much money and several days later and many missed events I am back on the road.  It's was such a strange and helpless feeling to be without a car.  I literally felt trapped and I guess I was.  Hopefully everything is fine now.  My car isn't all that old but does have 201,000 miles on it.  Other than the transmission things all work.  I hope that I am not jinxing myself by this statement.  Thinking positively, I am now good to go!  (I just looked for pictures of my car.  The only ones I could find were taken in a snow storm.  I am so not putting them up now in June!)

There isn't much etc.  I am on the committee for the Connecticut Gay and Lesbian film Festival.  The Festival just finished.  It was great, but it also was a great deal of work.  It was fun, but I am glad for the rest from it.  We have two months off and then we start preparing for the next one.  It is a LOT of work.

We have a new Bishop in the Episcopal Diocese of Connecticut.  So far things seem positive with him.  It is clear that he has a far different style that the previous Bishop.  I liked the previous Bishop, but a Bishop with a Different way of viewing things isn't exactly bad.  He is very new to his job so time and experience will tell the tale. The new Bishop is the Rt Rev. Dr Ian T, Douglas, PhD.  He is the 15th Bishop of Connecticut in the Episcopal Church.  I am listing the previous Bishops:
1 Samuel Seabury
     Diocesan Bishop, 1784-1796
 2 Abraham Jarvis     Diocesan Bishop, 1797-1813
 3 Thomas Church Brownell      Diocesan Bishop, 1819-1865
 4 John Williams      Bishop Coadjutor, 1851-1865
      Diocesan Bishop, 1865-1899
 5 Chauncey Bunce Brewster
      Bishop Coadjutor, 1897-1899
       Diocesan Bishop, 1899-1928
6 Edward Campion Acheson       Suffragan Bishop, 1915-1926 Bishop
      Coadjutor, 1926-1928
      Diocesan Bishop, 1928-1934
7 Frederick Grandy Budlong      Bishop Coadjutor, 1931-1934
      Diocesan Bishop, 1934-1951
8 Walter Henry Gray      Suffragan Bishop, 1940-1945 
      Bishop Coadjutor, 1945-1951
      Diocesan Bishop, 1951-1969
   Robert McConnell Hatch
      Suffragan Bishop, 1951-1957

9 John Henry Esquirol      Suffragan Bishop, 1958-1969
      Diocesan Bishop, 1969-1971
10 Joseph Warren Hutchens
       Suffragan Bishop, 1961-1971
       Diocesan Bishop, 1971-1977
11 Morgan Porteus       Suffragan Bishop, 1971-1976
       Bishop Coadjutor, 1976
       Diocesan Bishop, 1977-1981
12 Arthur Edward Walmsley       Bishop Coadjutor, 1979-1981
       Diocesan Bishop, 1981-1993
      William Bradford Turner Hasting        Suffragan Bishop, 1981-1986
      Jeffery William Rowthorn        Suffragan Bishop, 1987-1993
13 Clarence Nicholas Coleridge        Suffragan Bishop, 1981-1993
       Diocesan Bishop, 1993-1999
14 Andrew Donnan Smith         Suffragan Bishop, 1996-1999
        Diocesan Bishop, 1999-2010
   James Elliot Curry      Bishop Suffragan, 2000
   Wilfrido Ramos-Orench      Bishop Suffragan, 2000-2006
    Laura Jean Ahrens,       Suffragan Bishop, 2007-
15  Ian T. Douglas
      Diocesan Bishop, 2010 -


Connecticut is the oldest Diocese in the United States.  Samuel Seabury was the first Bishop in the United States and began the line.  Before that The Episcopal Church was the Church of England.  The naming changed with the American Revolution and the churches as well as the countries split.  I by the way was ordained by Bishop Hutchens, who ordained me for the Bishop Rhode Island.  I was canonically resident in Rhode Island but working in Connecticut.

We are experiencing several days of Thunder Storms.  I am trying to stay dry.  You do too.

Love,
Shel

A Beautiful Day

It has been a beautiful day in the midst of an otherwise wet and chilly week.  I took advantage of the great weather and took some pictures which you can see eventually at the Old Soul's Cemetery Blog site.  For now just trust me, it has been a great day.

I visited with a friend and we had lunch together.  I hadn't seen her for about a year, so there was a lot of catching up to do.  The good news is that she is well and happy.  Her work situation is a bit tense, but she is in a position where that is common.  I got home a short time ago and fixed a computer problem for a friend.  It's amazing what a little research can do.  So many solutions to computer problems can be found on the internet!  I probably shouldn't give away the secret, but I have anyway.  It does take some knowledge to understand and apply the fixes!

This is just a quick note on a very nice day.  I hope your day is wonderful!

Love,
Shel

Daffodils

I spent over 20 years living in Meriden, Connecticut.  As a town goes I guess you might say that Meriden is pretty average.  I do not mean to slight the community in the slightest by this.  I lived there a long time and raised children there and I still have family living there.  One of the very nicest places in Meriden is Hubbard Park.  Every year in the Spring Meriden has a Daffodil Festival in Hubbard Park. They have a parade and a couple of days of exhibits, rides and food of all kinds.  The kids liked it when they were young.  One of the nicest parts of this was Spring itself and of course the daffodils.  Meriden always made sure that there were plenty of daffodils.  The video below is made of slides I took just before the Festival.  

One of the more interesting things about Hubbard Park is that there are Dinosaur tracks in the park. The kids always liked them and me, being a big kid at heart, I still like them! Apparently Central Connecticut was a sort of Jurassic Dinosaur playground.  These are fairly large and are probably from a Theropod called Eubrontes.  Theropods were carnivores and we are probably all familiar with Theropods like Tyrannosaurus Rex which came much later.  Eubrontes is so common in Central Connecticut that it is the state fossil.  that's funny I thought I was the state fossil!  Guess not.  The picture was taken on a rainy day and some of the tracks have water in them. 

Enjoy the pictures.

Love,
Shel

Spring!

Spring brings all kinds of things.  Flowers are blooming and I do love that!  There is also the rain, not so great, but necessary for things to grow.  Inevitably it also brings a visit to the Ear, Nose and throat Doctor!  Alas, Shel is allergic to most all kinds of grass found in lawns and many of the common weeds found in Connecticut.  This means a great deal of sneezing and runny noses.  It also affects my sleeping at night and on occasion my eyes get itchy.
When I was younger my eyes would be the worse symptom.  I would swell up like a balloon (my eyes that is) and I would have to retreat from the world with ice packs on my eyes.  I have since learned not to rub my itchy eyes and to avoid problem things like mowing the lawn.  This last thing is a wonderful thing.  I basically hate lawns and they hate me.  I am allergic to them and they are a nuisance.  The best thing about lawns is the little flowers that grow in them this time of year.

In any case I made my pilgrimage to the ear nose and throat Doctor to get my medications renewed.  I am now good to go for one more year.  He does put me through some terrible procedures though.  He anesthetized my throat to put a scope in there.  My throat is normal and I have a small hearing loss, normal to my age (WTF?).  The summary is, all is good -almost.  Somewhere in the mix of what the Doctor said there was a mention of  "Deviated Septum" and "surgery."  OMG!  I have finally grown to like my tiny nose.  Surgery?!!  Oh, gosh.  Fortunately, he didn't say it was urgent!  I'll have to think about this one.

Today is another beautiful day.  Have a great one.

Love,
Shel

What's in Our Yard

I thought I would share some of the spring with you. These flowers are currently blooming in our yard.  I don't know the name of this bush, but the flowers are very striking.  I had to take this picture and share.  While I was at it I thought you might like some of the other things blooming in the yard.

 The forsythia were almost finished blooming, but I did get a shot of these remnants of their flowers.  I could have taken some better pictures of forsythia elsewhere, but I wanted to stay in the yard.

These delicate small flowers grow in the lawn every year at this time.  My ex partner's mother always referred to them as "May pink".  As you can see they are clearly blue.  There were some that were white.  They appear to me to be a kind of wild pansy. Unfortunately, they disappear as soon as the lawn is mowed.

Of course the most common flower this time of year is the one below.  We have lots of these!  We have no daffodils though.  Sigh.

Enjoy the Spring!

Love, Shel

WBKNAVQDHHFU

WBKNAVQDHHFU well what is this all about? I'll never tell, but think Technorati. What is that? Try googling it.

The Big "C"

Let's talk about cancer, the big "C". Five and a half years ago I was diagnosed with colon cancer. The cancer was large as colon cancers go and had done some small amount of spreading. I had surgery immediately and a month later chemotherapy began. I started seeing my oncologist immediately after the surgery. I had chemo for just under six months and it ended with a nine day stay in the hospital. I had developed an antibiotic resistant blood infection and then a DVT.

It was a very difficult time. I had just made a great life change and my family relations with my ex partner fell apart and I had just been laid off from work (that's a story in itself.) I had to deal with the cancer along with all that and oh, yes, I had kidney stones also! But, I survived!

Friday I celebrated a mile stone of sorts. My chemo therapy ended five years ago. I had a CAT scan, blood test and oncologist appointment and there is no sign of cancer! I know that that isn't absolutely definitive, but it is really great. My Doctor was all smiles and so was I. He will be ordering no more CAT scans for me and I will now have yearly appointments. I guess you might say I graduated. This is all good!

Whenever there is good news there often is not so good news. CAT scans began with the cancer and the first one found the kidney stones. Those stones caused me so much grief during chemotherapy! Ultimately they were the cause of the infection I contracted. The also found that I have an Aortic Aneurysm. Technically I guess it is an Abdominal Aortic Aneurysm. I am told that this is more common in individuals with long torsos (I do), and those over 60 (I am.) The news is that the aneurysm has grown since the CAT scan last year. I need to follow up with the vascular surgeon, who will now need to order test to monitor the aneurysm. Aneurysms are enlargements of blood vessels. They are dangerous if the grow large and push on something vital or if they break. I am told that they need to be monitored until they reach a critical size. The Doctor knows what is critical. For me it is just one more thing to worry about. My aneurysm is 4.9 cm in diameter. Surgical intervention is usually considered at 5 cm to 5.5 cm. It is major surgery, so I am not in a hurry to have it, but if it is necessary....

So much for my health. I have some other new material I will be posting soon.

Love,
Shel

Restructure

I did some restructuring of the Blog.  It is mostly in the background so you probably won't notice it.  The blog posts went back to 2004.  I deleted several years of blog entries.  They were mostly about some very painful times of my life - painful mentally and physically.  They are all too alive in my mind, but I decided to remove them from public viewing.  I think to some degree my pain is my pain alone.  Let me just say that I am a Cancer survivor and I have been through a lot.

Today's weather was unbelievable!  It was great!  The Daffodils are blooming and the forsythia has suddenly jumped alive in yellow profusion.  What a day!  Enjoy it.

Love,
Shel

OOPS, I'm Home

Yes, it's true.  I am now home.  It seems like everything was a whirlwind.  It was a great visit and I feel a renewed connection with my family in Arizona.  It was great.  They are well and thriving and I am so pleased for them.  The trip back was interesting.  My flight from Phoenix was to Baltimore where I switched to a flight to Hartford.  Weather on the East Coast was terrible, heavy rains and high winds.  The flight to Baltimore was delayed on the ground, taking off.  My connection was very tight.  I made it though.  The flight from Baltimore to Hartford was short and it turned out very bumpy.  In fact it was about as bumpy as any flight on an airline I have ever had.  The pilot was very good and we landed very well in spite of wind gusts up to 70 mph!

In any case I am home.  I am suffering time lag, 2 hours from Arizona an the time change.  It has take all this time to recover.  I have been on the go ever since.  This is a very busy time of year and I have gotten myself committed to many things.  It was good to visit, but it is also good to be home!  I guess there is no place like home after all.  Spring and Easter will be here very soon.  Enjoy the season!

Love,
Shel

More from Arizona

There were heavy rains here last night. The news is talking about flooded streets and bad traffic and it is still raining a little.  It's a good thing I didn't come here to do something like Golf or watch Spring Season Baseball.  It's all been rained out! 

One thing I didn't mention.  I am in Arizona, a bit south east of Phoenix and my Blackberry is in Connecticut.  How did that happen?  I had to change the way I was packed at the very last minute and in my rush the Blackberry got left in my room.  I live off that device!  I am lost without it.  I think I am adicted to my Blackberry.  I actually feel uncomfortable and insecure without it.  I certainly feel out of touch.  I wonder how many voice mails I have?

Fortunately, I have this computer with me.  It has all the information on it that my Blackberry has except for the voice mails.  I guess I could make Skype calls but I am limited to wifi access.  As long as I am at my son's I have that, but when I travel around that doesn't work.  Hopefully, my Blackberry is on its way to me at this moment and I will have it with me tomorrow or possibly Wednesday.

It is getting a litttle brighter out now.  Maybe it will clear up a bit and I can venture out and about and possibly take some pictures.  Have a bright day!

Mostly cloudy in the morning...becoming partly sunny. Chance of showers in the morning...then slight chance of showers in the afternoon. Highs 56 to 61. Southwest wind 5 to 10 mph. Chance of measurable rain 50 percent.

Love,
Shel

Arizona

I am writing this from my son's house in Arizona.  At last I have been able to visit with them in their new home and to see my granddaughter.  One expects that Arizona will be hot, but today it rained all day and was cool.  One thing that is true, it is very flat!I have driven through Arizona before, but that was through Flagstaff. Flagstaff has snow now!  I am down in the Phoenix area and there is no snow.  Better weather is forcast for the rest of the week.   I did come to visit my family though.

I will be doing some sight seeing.  My son took me to a gold mine today.  The gold is mostly gone now, but it provided my granddaughter with a rustic train ride.  Tomorrow I will look to take some pictures - weather permitting.  Taking good pictures is a little hard in the rain, but I did get a few today.  I didn't want to take the good camera out in the rain though.

This is all for tonight.  Traveling is exhausting and tomorrow will come early.  Be well. Oh, the picture is of the Superstition mountains near the gold mine I visited.  I didn't take the picture ((it was raining and fogged in).  Credit the picture to ellipse at azpic.com.

Love,

Shel

Does it make sense?

I just got my pension check for the month.  It was minus another substantial amount.  This means that my pension payment just decreased by about half since my birthday.  Apparently I need less money to live on this month than I needed last month.  Does one need less money the older one gets?   The Pension plan put me on disability retirement several years ago.  I did receive a supplement designed to offset having to buy insurance and that ended last month.  There was a disability supplement that also has now disappeared even though I am no less disabled.  I guess I will need to rehabilitate myself and earn some money.  In fact I have been trying to do some low impact business activities.  Unfortunately they have not been lucrative ventures as yet.  They have kept me busy and interested in life and there is some value to that.  Now I think I just need some money.  This doesn't solve the issue of my impending travel to Arizona.  I was palning on having a bit more money than I will now have.  Oh, well! 

I'm a bit down, but where there is a will there is a way.

Love,
Shel

Been Away

I've been away for a while.  I went to Rhode Island for my Aunt's wake and funeral.  That was a sad affair, but she had lived a good life and what she was doing before she died wasn't really living.  She is with her Mother and Father and Sister(my Mother) now.  They were all beloved to her.

Immediately after that I went to Boston for four days.  I have a friend up there I have been visiting and doing some work with.  She lives right in the city in south Boston.  City life is so different!  I took the train because a cars is a real liability.  Parking is real tough.  My friend and I worked hard and played hard too.  It was a good time.  It is just the sort of thing I have been needing to get over some tough things in my life.

I am back now and I spent most of yesterday talking to her on the phone.  It was mostly unfinished business. I also went to T'ai Chi.  Today has been picking up on local unfinished business.  I need to get ready for my next trip, this time to see my family in Arizona.  I haven't seen my son or my granddaughter in over a year!  That is far too long, but funds and circumstances have delayed things.  I hate flying these days, but I really want to see them!  The train was a delight (Amtrak.)  Unfortunately a train to Arizona and back would be too expensive.  It would be fun I bet!

It's been rain, rain, rain the last few days; Gloomy weather, but better than snow and ice!

I hope your day is a bright one!
Love,

Shel

Good Woman, Good Life

Yesterday morning early my father, who is 98, called me to tell me that my aunt, 94, died during that night.  She was my mother's sister and was born two years after my mother.  I have been a bit broken up about this and it has taken me this long to write about it.  My aunt and my mother were close as sister can be.  They both lived through the trauma of loosing their mother (my grandmother) to the 1938 hurricane.

My aunt is survived by two children.  They have numerous children themselves and some of those children have children.  She, therefore, was many times a great grandmother.  Since I have a grand child she was also a great grand aunt.

Two years ago she suffered several strokes that sent her to assisted living.  This past fall she had to be moved to a nursing home.  My father and I visited her last week and she was mostly unresponsive.  I think she knew we were there.  It was a difficult visit.  Clearly the quality of her life had changed and not for the better.

I have good memories of her and she has a great legacy in her family.  God bless you aunt Bea!  I"ll miss you.

Love,
Shel

Late -Late

For the second night in a row I am up far too late!  Believe it or not I haven't been drinking coffee this evening either!  I need some sleep so good night!

Exhausted

I think I may have overdone it this week.  I laid low today and rested.  Last night I came home and just fell asleep.   Hopefully I will gradually be able to increase my stamina so I won't have this kind of problem again.  I have just become involved in a new project which involves media promotion of businesses.  This is very new for me so I'll just have to see how it goes.  One thing about this, I don't have much time to worry about the emptiness of my life.  I guess if one's life is busy it isn't really empty.  I guess what I mean is that I really don't have anyone to really share things with any more.

The interesting thing about what I am doing is that it gives me the opportunity to combine several interests, computers, photography, movies, and writing.  I am also involved with some new people.  It is all quite stimulating.

Tomorrow, I am off running again.  Oh, and tomorrow I will be a year older!  This year is so different from last year.  This is both good and bad.  I have lost and I have gained.  I am alive.  I have survived cancer for five years now.  This is a life bonus.  Thank you God and thank you to all those Doctors and Nurses who helped me.

Have a great evening.
Love,
Shel

Busy

Busy, busy day today and I am exhausted.  I am looking into a new business venture and at the same time some of the regular ones are getting busy.  Everything in life seems to happen all at once.  Some of this stuff cold easily happened last week when I was bored, don't you think?   In any case I will be doing some of my least favorite things, working on web sites.  That's where the money is though.  I do need to supplement my income now.  Remember, my income just got cut a bit!

I am very tired so this will be short.  I am headed to bed shortly.  I need to start planning to visit my son and his family in Arizona.  I desperately  want to see my granddaughter!  Tomorrow some planning for that and it looks like I make some changes to DNS.  That's always fun!

Good night for now.

Love,
Shel

OOPS!

I forgot about this Blog for a while!  Sorry about that.  No excuses, just forgot.  Nothing special has been happening.  I did go to see Avatar in 3D, Wow!  Nice experience.  I really got into the movie.  It is kind of a bit more violent than I might like, but it was very engrossing and striking.  Yes, I liked it and the 3D was not distracting and quite natural.  I think I would see another 3D movie.

I am planning to see my family in Arizona before too long.  I hope I can put the money together for it.  It doesn't help that my pension income was just  cut by almost $300 a month.  Where are those pick-up jobs when you need them?  I am trying very hard to not spend money.  It's a real challenge.  I tend to not make many large purchases, but I have been making a bunch of smaller ones.  I need to back off and only spend a bare minimum.  Traveling to Hartford all the time really eats gas!  Burning gas costs money.  It's one of the small ways I spend money.  Discipline!  That's what I need!  It's also hard for me to do!  Alas!

Oh, Yes.  I went to the Doctor's last week and the week before.  The good news is that I am healthy.  The bad news is that I haven't lost more weight.  It seems that I am a stress snacker.  Yes, even with gastric banding I can snack and abuse things.  Once again Discipline is required.  That is just what I am short of.  Of course less stress might help, too.  If I look at things carefully I am probably the one responsible for my own stress.  Yes, I believe that I have been let down a bit, but I am responsible for feeling stress over it.  That's all a story in itself and it's one I won't get into here.  Sorry!

I'm going to end here.  The blogger is acting strange and I don't want to begin all over.  I'll be back soon.  I promise.

Love,
Shel

PS,  The commenting system I have been using is going away to be replaced by a pay service.  Though I understand the need to bill for services, the previous one was free and I don't need more bills now.  I will probably loose all my old comments soon.  There's not much I can do about it.  Goodby Haloscan!
Shel

January Blues

January, the month, is named after the Roman God Janus.  Janus is a two faced God, one face pointing in one direction and the other in the opposite.  Janus was the God of Portals (doors and gates and the like) and also the past and the future and curiously fate.  The Romans had many Gods and some of them overlapped.  Dis was also God of fate in a dark kind of way.  So in January we look forward and we look back and some of us make resolutions to do things we probably won't do in the end.

I have never been one to be able to make resolutions and follow through with them.  I have been able to change my life but that didn't come from a list of resolutions.  It came from me realizing I needed to make those changes and doing it.  I didn't wait for Janus, Fate or Dis to intervene I just did it.  What about those things I couldn't do?  They still remain to be done.  Maybe I'll get to them in time.

I haven't been very consistent writing.  I have been busy, doing other things, forgot, avoided writing, etc, etc.  Those are the excuses.  I haven't felt like writing (truth.)  What's been happening?  I went to Boston to visit a friend and stayed five days while it snowed.  I had Christmas with my father and it was a delightful day.  I miss my granddaughter more than you can imagine. And things have been going as usual.

Saturday went home and ate too much
Ate the wrong thing for emotional reasons
Vomited
Had four nights of fitful sleep
Put back in perspective by my Therapist
Priceless

 Do you get the idea?  I feel better now, though.  I guess that life will never be exactly what I want it to be. Maybe Janus or Dis is more in control than I thought.

Love,
Shel